wow its been an insane  tense   week at work and outside of it as well 

I wish my parents would own up to when their kids miss behave and not make excuses for it cause we will not put up with nor should we have to  i can officially say i have herd every single excuse in the book and it will not fly with us than i have had a lot of drama outside work and its weird how much i have had i feel like i haven't had a chance to breath and than one best friends also had a bad week so we were a force to be dealt with  but today has actually been fairly claim surprisingly and lately i have been doubted God  I know im heathen for it but i guess its in my nature right now i have always just known what the next step would be i may not have known how i was going to get there or when  but i just knew for example when i was little kid i always knew i didn't read or see words and letters and numbers the same as my classmates when i was in 2nd grade we found out i was dyslexic but i also knew there was something else and wasn't till i was a junior in high school  that we found out i was dysgraphic and i always knew i would go to college i didn't know when or where  and i applied to 9 colleges and got into 3 not bad and came and graduated form oc  but now for the first time in my life i dont know what comes next i know what i want to do and have a heart for but i dont know if its what God wants me to do and I have been feeling like may be he's not in control or doesnt have a plain I know this sounds stupid and  I know he does I just dont feel like he does cause I dont know what the next step and this a rather scary feeling for me  

and I dont know how to feel and or do its just weird to me 

but  I know im not the only one who feels like it