Isnt this all a really bad dream?

Isnt this all just bad dream
im still going a million times a minute and feel as though time is going by too slowly and even though the anger, sadness, hurt, frustation, crazyness, confussion and that is all inside me and i havent figured out up from down this side to next  not even sure if everything im enduring is real or is this just a dream i feel as though im laying some where deep asleep and not awake but im watching my life pass by this week but then i wonder if its real because of all the emtions i have  and the tears i have cried seemed real but i feel as this all happening so fast and i have numbed my self to pain and to the fact that this going on but than again i feel as though the talks with friends and people are real but i seem to feel as though the pace making me feel as though as its not real and its just a dream
i still cant believe he is gone  i dont know where he has gone all i feel as though as he with my kiki which helps me move forward but i still havent begain to accept or have hit that this real  i just dont know how to feel think everything going sooo fast and my heart is stuck  not keeping up and i just dont know how or what to think or feel and even know if its real or fake  i dunno im sooo confused i dont even know who i am right now im around people who are laughing and smile and i try to but i just cant find smile and  i dont know when i will  this just dosent seem real  may be this some cural cural joke the unisverse and God are playing on me but im glad he no longer suffering and no longer hating to be here any more  he has left  this world that was not so kind to kind person
i dont even know if im making sense  right now
all know is im in confussed state of mind and i always say im ok
because i dont have a better answer truth be told i dont know how i am because  im going through as is a bad dream or  just not real  my heart dosent even know what to feel
im soo lost right now  i dont know where to start the best thing i can do is be there for others and try to live day to day
but  isnt this all a really bad dream?