can paint with the colors of the wind

the last few days well even weeks  i have been trying to understand  human beings and i have to realize that no matter how hard i try  i will never understand humans and i will never understand the want to change people  because someone is different on the outside  
let me explain we are the same on the inside  we all have a brain, head, eyes, nose, ears, arms, hands, legs,  we all organs, ligaments, muscle tissue, muscle, heart, we all bleed  got it okay this how EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so here is shocking news as much as we are the same we are  DIFFERENT  I know this shocking and a bit much to handle to take a moment and breath……………………………………………
okay you ready for me to go on  are you sure if are than read on if not stop now 
 there a people who are white, black, latino, Native American, Asian, Middle Eastern ( sorry not know the proper name please forgive)   than there people who have physical disabilities  such as MD,MS, lots physical disabilities  may be have down syndrome  
than there people like me who have the "hidden disabilities" i.e. the ones you can't see but see the side effects such as Dyslexia(all forms of it) Dysgraphia, ADD, ADHD, Autism, and so on than there are people who are strait, gay, transgender,   than there are people who are christian, atheist,  jewish,  Muslim faith which is great  there are people who deal with mental issues and illness  these differences are what make us who we are as people  I WILL NEVER EVER EVER UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WANT TO FORCE OTHERS TO CHANGE BECAUSE  THEY DONT UNDERSTAND/DONT GET IT OR DONT WANT TO ACCEPT IT  that is there problem  and its very sad i have recently herd of people trying to cure autism and dyslexia  why would want to cure something that can't be cured its trying to cure someone of being gay or curing someone of being  black or curing someone of  having  green eyes instead of brown and when i get asked would i cure my dyslexia and dysgraphia  t people always seemed shocked when i say HELL NO  you see if it weren't for my learning disabilities i would NOT BE ME  I'm not saying they define me because they don't but  i  wouldn't have tired as hard  and worked as hard in school i wouldn't have fought for mainstreaming for myself and so many others and proving that because I'm dyslexic and dysgraphic I'm stupid and if you feel this please unfriend  i have examples of amazing people with dyslexia and dygraphia  any way i probably wouldn't have gone to college or be a special ed ta  and i wouldn't have love and compassion i have also i wouldn't be as kind and loving as i am  truth be told i would be selfish sob i would not stand with people and fight for what is right  as in people like me belong in regular ed classes so i might need a little help with work and i might learn differently whats wrong with that??? whats wrong if someone loves someone of same sex what if people of different races or faiths marry whats wrong with this?????? i love my friends who are gay and proud of some friends who are putting on a play in okc that they are taking a lot of ridiculous heat for and to them I'm sorry people are stupid just know y'all are strong and I'm proud of you and i love my friends who do and don't have disabilities  and love my friends who have mixed races  and or faith relationships  good for y'all  also instead of trying to change people to fit into what you think is normal why not trying to see how the other person sees life and the world who know you may learn something you never knew you never knew   are differences are what makes us and nature the colors of the wind can/will paint with them  
just remember life needs all colors in crayon box not  just your favorite colors those just make them better  

ADOPTION

NOVEMBER IS NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH 
THIS IS VERY NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART 
FIRST LET EXPLAIN IF YOU AND DO HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS GREAT  THAT MAKES ME HAPPY BUT PLEASE RESPECT/ HONOR THOSE PARENTS WHO CHOOSE TO ADOPT  BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO PAY LOTS OF MONEY GO THROUGH LOTS OF PAPER WORK TO GET APPROVED TO RAISE A CHILD/CHILDREN  FOR PEOPLE FOR WHAT EVER REASONS  CAN NOT RAISE THEIR OWN KIDS  AND THIS DEAR TO MY HEART BECAUSE MY FAMILY WOULD NOT EXIST WITH OUT    YOU SEE MY MOMS PARENTS ( MY KIKI AND BOPS) CHOOSE TO ADOPT HER WHEN SHE WAS BORN LATE 40S AND  THAN AFTER TRYING COUPLE OF TIMES WITH NO SUCCESS AND  HER ALMOST DYING SHE AND DON ( AKA FATHER)  CHOOSE TO ADOPT MY BROTHER IN THE LATE 70S AND ME IN THE EARLY 80S AND WITH OUT THIS WONDERFUL WONDERFUL THING CALLED ADOPTION I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD A FAMILY AND THERE SO MANY KIDS IN  FOSTER CARE HERE IN THE US  AS WELL AS AROUND THE WORLD THAT NEED A HOME  FOR ME PERSONALLY IM FOR A PARENT(S) WHO CAN AND ARE WILLING TO ADOPT DO  NOW IF LOOK AT PICS OF MY FAMILY  YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WE WERE ALL ADOPTED  
ADOPTION IS A WONDERFUL WAY TO MAKE SURE KIDS ARE SAFE AND RAISED IN LOVING HOMES  AND IT ALSO A WAY TO HELP YOUNG MOMS AND WOMEN WHO ARENT ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS FIND GOOD HOMES 
ADOPTIONS CHANGES LIVES FOR THE BEST 
IM SO THANKFUL I WAS ADOPTED 

I HAVE A DREAM - MLK - 50 YEARS LATER

50 years ago today  in American History a civil rights leader named Dr. Martin Luther King gave a what become a very inspirational speech  called "I HAVE A DEAM" at the wall of America in front of the Lincoln memorial  in Washing D.C.  where he talked about having a dream about  white and black kids living together and having equal rights  fast forward  50 years later although our country has come a long way  we still have a long way to go and i believe MLK dream would also include and does those who are gay, bi, transgender, people with disabilities,  and those who with lower income and all faiths and beliefs and religions igher income  and im proud to say we have come along but we also have a long way to go and we are working for it i just wish people would stop looking at the outside factors but judge people by their hearts and be willing to work if they are able if they are not than do what they can and i wish we stop the blame game and i wish people would stop being scared of people who are different because the truth is we all different none of us are the same and were all different and thats what makes us great 
i see MLK dream speeding to all these groups and maybe im dreamer but i know im not the only one and i hope one day the future we can look back say just see people  for who they are and not what they are  may be instead of judging people will learn from others who different because thats how we learn thats how we grow and thats how we love and respect everyone because that will go so much further than hate what if all gave this a try  i wonder what kind of world we would have 
i know i fight everyday for my friends who are gay i fight for myself with disabilities to educate people and help them learn and see why things are important these are human rights things to have equal rights 
i say if you can go try to learn from someone new or someone you dont know every well 
but most of all love and respect everyone because everyone has there own battle  and you dont know what they have been through 
and when i look around i still think to myslef what a wonderful world 
this my verison of Dr. Martin Luther King's speech "I HAVE A DREAM"

one year

one year ago today my life turned upside down i got a phone call no child ever wants to get telling you  your mommy yes at 30 i still call my mom mommy  get over it  but the call had told she had been in roll over accident in Florida  and  she was on the way to hospital i did not sleep the rest of day and i was ready to jump on a plane if need be and i was soooo greatful for 2 of 3 other women with my mom who kept us updated and took care of her and thankfully she is fine one year later but its scarry one of the biggest lessons learned be careful  who trust and let drive your car and never ever drive when your super tired  but today i can say im thankful she is okay and i still have her :) 

3 angels

I know in my last blog i called people out for not letting what they say match their walk which is fine but i want to show gradatude for  3 of my friends who  have been at my beckon call pretty much 24/7  to which im beyond greatful who help me by eaither warming up my food or bringing me food they help me change clothes, wash my self and my hair  they help stand up when im too weak to get up on my own they help get out of the apt and help get out  a couple of times a week and help do chores and  always make sure im okay and im soo thankful for all the help  they are amazig people im so thankful to have them in my life i honestly do not know how i would have gotten through all of this surgery and this last year to be comptly honest and i could not ask for better friends im soo thankful for them and all that they have done they are angels in my book 
and they know who they are 
so to you 3  thank you 

if you dont want to help than dont offer

I had surgery last week on  my foot and havent been allowed to walk on it at all  i have a roll about to get me every where well meaning  from my  bed to my couch and to the bathroom  and on the occasional outing of the apt those dont happen often because im still weak but im okay and im beyond greatful  who have gone beyond the call of duty to help me and still are and im so thankful  for them and it grounds me so much  and i owe them big time  but than theres  those who have said ohh  let me know if you need anything  and ill help and when that time comes me calling for help  they always back out and say i cant help or your asking too much of people and that frustrates me more than anything because im asking for simple things like help to warm up food  and to hang out for bit but i guess i can see how thats asking to much of someone but im one of those people if you dont want to help thats fine than say so  insted of saying if you need something call and let me know and than  back out of helping because to  that means your not willing to make talk match your walk and  i would rather you own that you dont want to help out at all  than say call and when i do you back out of it   because that tells me you really dont want to help out and than just say so  because you may get called on to help out  and than have to own what you say  but to the 3 you know who you are that have gone beyond the call of duty to help out and done so much for me  i cant ever thank you enough for all your help 
yall are amazing and what have made this surgery eaiser to deal with and helped me keep positive during a difficult rough time 
and i love yall dearly 
and to those who said call if you need anything and than backed out next time please spare me or anyone else the difficulties  and dont offer to help at all 

heart borken

My heart is borken its sad i feel like this isnt real but i have to face it and know it is
i got a call last night that an old high school and friend of mine committed suicide his family was going through alot and i guess he decided he couldnt handle it all  any more and or felt that may be it wasnt going to get better  and may be he lost hope ill never know what was going on through his mind to make him feel this way and neither will any of his friends  know why now  we his family and    friends are here to moron the loss of him in this unspeakable heartbreaking situation and im still in shock of the news of the loss of this class mate who was a nice awesome guy  it makes me sad that he is gone i just hope on some level he knew how loved he was and special he was
please if your going through difficult times please know i  nor dose any one else dont know when or how but i promise it will get better and please go talk to someone a religious/spiritual leader, a trusted friend, family member, a counselor, a medical professional  please go talk to someone and please dont get give up and know it will get better and please dont lose hope
last night was just another reminder that time has wonderful way showing what really matters and that we are not promised tomorrow
and please know that you are loved and that will get better

and to my class mates or friends, family or any one
please know im always here if you need anything im here for you

please tell your loved that you love them everyday because you just never  when will be the last time you talk to them or see them
it amazing how life can change an instance

:)

last few days have been aboustly wonderful getting talk to on the phone or hanging out with friends but nothing was better than today having wonderful time my best friend paul  his boy friend  our other friend em watching our joey on stage and seeing other friends in the show and the magic of today was being with my best friends  and i cant explain it but there is just something extra special about these 3 friends of mine im sooo blessed to have in my life and im sooo thankful for every time its 3 of us its extra special because its such a rare treat and aboustly amazing and the fact we got to add a boyfriend just makes it just a bit better and than yesterday i got to talk to my dear sweet sister katie in chicago and i miss her like crazy but those 20-30 mins were just so uplifitng and this week i can also add getting to talk to old professor of mine who love and respect dearly and chatting with him for about 45 mins and hanging with my old roomie and good friend anne which was great  i also got to have lunch with another lacey who just wonderful and loving  ahhh and than getting to see my other sister sammie and having lunch with her  was just soo wounderful and than i got to have lunch with one of my mommas friday i got to have best friend time with paul which is always great and  i got to talk on the phone tonight with another and I'm just so thankful for all these amazing people in my life im beyond greatful for and soo lucky to have my heart is happy but im still just soo giddy getting to have all 3 of my best friends in one day ahhh life dose not get better than this  it really dosent

i have no words really

Im not sure there is a good way to write there are no words to really describle may 19 and 20 th for those who dont live in Ok 
Last Sunday an E F Tornado hit the small city of shawnee, ok and the small town of Carinee Ok  and on Monday  an EF 5  Tornado hit the town of moore Ok   i watch the tornado on Monday grow and get bigger and rip the town apart in seconds  to give you an idea  the may 1999 torando hit and the one on may 20 hit the same town, area, same size but the one that hit may 20  was on the ground as an EF for 40 mins  it spun out as EF 3 and grew to an EF4 than EF5 where it was on the ground for 40 mins  and i couldnt believe it i felt i twas watching the movie twister but no it was real life  and im still shocked by this and my heart still hurts for all who were loss and those injured  and yet i saw people come togather to look for life people, animals, anything that proved life was still there and i have seen torndos do damage before  on tv and  see what they can do again on tv and in movies but friday my best friend i went to norman ok  and you have to drive through moore to  get to norman and i saw for first hand  what a torndo can do i saw gardarlle wraped like bacon around the top of trees, i saw where homes once stood  now nothing ive seen the one house gone  nothing left and another untouched and on the other side of where a a house stood one  got a little damage  and as i saw cars  that had been rolled into ballas and un done just like foil  my heart just broke i was just speechless my best friend i looked at each other in disbeilf at what we saw  and all i wanted to do was pick up the people of moore and hug them and tell them that some how it will be okay  and as we drove back through i saw people digging for anything to hold on to from pictures to  stuffed animals to anything they could find  and it got me thinking of how short life is and how pericous it is and how much i love my friends and family and how greatful i am for them but every day but my heart breaks for the people of oklahoma but i also have seen them come togather too and just helping strangers  
so to all the okies out there hugs to you 

Thursday may 9,2013

yesterday was one of those day i know when i look back on it and i will smile and just remeber for the love the smile and just how having the unexpacted happen be just the most wounderful thing(s) ever
espically when show graduateed for it to  the universe or god or gods or what ever  i got off work and had alot to do but i decided to go home and rest my akel for bit before going to dinner with one of friends sammie and im sooo glad i did because as i was outside waiting for sammie to come get me and it wasnt sammie who pulled up i had to do a triple look  to see that it was sammies twin and my other amazing sister katie who came into town and i wasnt sure when i was going to see her i was beyond giddy to see her and hug her and than we went to get sammie and went for our favorite mexican food and it was amazing and i relize im writting this 2 weeks later but i still get smile at the night like this its like the univerise knew i needed this and i loved it

west side story

west side story is a musical i aboustly love yes i know its sad but it has just powerful messages yes there is more than one and no i will not go into them go watch it  and hopefully get them  one of the messages is sticking togather through thick and thin be it with fam or friends/gangs  or true love. This was last musical my college did my senior year and my best friend was the led in the show ( not surpised at all) so  i more than giddy and excited  when i found out it was coming to okc this month and  i got tickets to see it of course i had to and i couldnt bare to bring 3 of my most favoritest people in the entire world  and the ones i spend most of my time with  and it helped to see the sticking togather of friends  well gangs on stage but in real the 3 people im closest too and who know me best and i will admit my depession has been pretty bad  this week with a horrible and week from hell at work but i got so much engery and joy from last night im still on cloud 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999
yes that many 9 and last night with them all 4 of us togather which is a rareity but when it happens  theres never a dull moment and I'm always just reminded  of how lucky i am and humbleded that i have these 3 amazing friends in my life and i know im not desvereing of there friendship but i will never be able greatful enough for them but i always try to show gradtudee for them weather were all togather or im hanging out with them separtly 
it just means the world to me i have them in my life 

JOYS OF TRUE FRIENDS

LAST WEEKEND WAS CRAZY BUT WONDERFUL I GOT TO GO TO MY BEST FRIENDS OPENING NIGHT OF HIS SHOW WHICH WAS AMAZING THEY DID A WONDERFUL JOB AND I GOT TO GO WITH A GREAT FRIEND  JUST WONDERFUL THAN SAT NIGHT I GOT TO GO WITH ONE OF MY DEARIEST FRIENDS TO SEE MARTINA MCBRIDE AND  GEORGE STRAIT OH HIS COWBOY RIDES AWAY TOUR IT AMAZING TO BE AT THE SOLD OUT CONCERT AND HAVE A 5 HOUR LONG CONCERT YES IT LASTED 5 HOURS SOOO WORTH IT  AND THAN SUNDAY I GOT TO GO WITH MY BEST FRIEND HIS BF AND ANOTHER FRIEND  TO SEE JEKYLL AND HYDE THE MUSICAL WHICH PRETTY MUCH WAS A MUSICAL THAT MET ROCK CONCERT BUT IT STILL FUN TO SEE WITH FRIENDS AND ENJOY A MUSICAL THAN  LAST NIGHT I HAD ANOTHER PERFECT  NIGHT I HAVENT BEEN SOO GIDDY AND HAPPY IN AWHILE DONT GET WRONG LAST WEEKEND I WAS TOO BUT I VERY ROUGH DIFFICULT WEEK ONE OF BEST FRIEND I CALL MY BABY BROTHER AND I GOT TO HANG OUT WHICH WE DONT GET TO DO VERY OFTEN SO IT MEANT THE WORLD WE COULD AND WE WENT TO DINNER  AND THAN TO SEE MY BEST FRIENDS SHOW IT WAS AMAZING THEY DID A GREAT JOB AND IT SOO RARE FOR ME TOO BE WITH BOTH MY BEST GUY FRIENDS AND IT JUST WONDERFUL THESE LAST 2 WEEKENDS AND IN BETWEEN ALL OF THESE FUN STUFF I HAVE GOTTEN TO HAVE SERVAL CONVERATIONS WITH ONE DEARIEST AND BEST FRIENDS WHO LIVES IN CHAICAGO WHICH MAKES THINGS EVEN BETTER!!!!!!  SHOW ME HOW LUCKY I AM AND HOW BLESSED TO HAVE A SMALL BUT AN AMAZING GROUP FRIENDS WHO ARE TRUE AND I HOLD THEM DEARLY AND IM BEYOND GREATFUL FOR THEM AND I LOVE THEM 
AHHHHHH
SUCH BLISS 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D 
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID TO GET MY BEST FRIENDS BUT IM BEYOND GREATFUL FOR THEM 

3 years mindy why did you go

i cant believe its been 3 yrs since you left this world i cant believe i never got to say good bye i wish i had i wish i could have seen you one more time i dont think you know how much joy you brought to my life how much i loved our dinners and our talks how much i loved visting you and bringing you dinner and just chatting with you your smile was countagous i still remeber how we met and how much you changed my life  i will never forget how excited i was to see you but you couldnt wait you left without saying anything and i wish i knew why i wish i had a chance but i missed all signs  that you were need or did i i know had reaggred hang out time but i wanted to give you more time after an interview but you had already gone may be you were mad at me may be you didnt want to see me may be you were trying to keep me from pain and hurt but what you dont know is how much i hurt and how much i miss you and wish you were here  i still go to pick up the phone to call you but i cant because you wont and cant answer  i miss us having girl time  there soo much i wish i could tell you there soo much i wish knew where i am in life and i wanted to see your dreams come i miss you friend 

peanut you were amazing 

im thankful i got to know you i just wish you were still here i will never know why  you choose to go soon  i hope your happy now 

i cant even began to drescibe how much pain you caused  how much you hurt me how badly you hurt me and even if i could and even if i told you, you wouldnt care and whats worse you say your only good when your in a relationship with someone else guess being a friend a relationship not romatic but its still a relationship between two people  and you made it one sided and only want friends when your not dating someone but once you are thats all you need so say but guess what next time you come calling i wont be answering you burned this bridge and  than you tried to blame me for  what happend  and than tried  tell me  how horrible of person i am  and than tried to get me to lash out at you because for you that would be eaiser if i did but i dont do that you should know this you been trying to get me to do this months but it hasnt worked  may be time apart will do you good  may be youll grow up but than i know you  it wont because your choosing drugs  and someone who wont stay with you over friends who stuck with you through lots of  shit and hell  because i cared to much and what you dont get is that your not the first person to do this to me and i know you wont be the last i can only hope  you learned a lesson from this  I know how to handle your guilt trips, getting me to give you what you want  but i dont i simply tell you the truth and you cant and wont accept it you cant accept you caused pain and hurt  that goes beyond words you open wounds and swore to me you never would do this to me and you done nothing but lie to me  and cause me pain  treated me like i was nothing  again i know how to deal with you and this mess you left me with but i know you cant and wont accept what you did because to you  you did nothing wrong nothing is your fault  everything that happens to you is everyone else fault  

take this a life lesson you do this you end up alone  you only have your self to blame  but what kills me most of all is i still love and care for you as a friend and a sister and i always will but you could care less if i died tomorrow..............  now your just somebody i used to know......................