my angels

I have had many friends come and go in my life for many reasons they have seen me in highs and lows and walked with me though my valleys and stood by me when i really didn't think any one would but they did these 3 women have pretty much helped mold me into who i am today

Im by no ways the best person ever to deal with they would know this too

they were there from being diagnosed with dyslexia, and much later dysgraphia, they were there when Don left and helped deal with emotions helped stay a christian when i was ready to walk away from God, they saw me through taking accepting and realizing i will never have a father and finally okay with it and saw grow up and change saw me when i was so sick and encourgered and believed in me when so many didn't they saw me through my eating disodereds and depression to seeing me be stronger now than i ever have been but if these young women handt been there for me i dont know where i would be today... I know they are blushing right now as they read this dont think they have made such impact that they did on me, I know how amazing they are i have been blessed by them for over 20 years of friendship its crazy to look back to see what God has done in all our lives how he brought us togather and keeps us togather i dont get to see them near as much as i would love but when i do its like we pick up right where we left off as if we just saw each other yesterday

that is what true friendship is i have seen these women go through very taough times but see their strength and faith in God only encourges me to believe that God is with me and will take care of me im so blessed to have these women in my life i can only hope i have blessed them like have me

so to Ginna H. Crocker, Sarah H. Anderson, Sarah Little

Thank you for standing with me and being my friend for over 20 years

i look forward to another 20 years

you 3 have been the most amazing women ever and i truly cant wait to see how God blesses yall

love you so much

we are Gods jewels he makes into beautiful jewelery

The other night i ws driving back from dinner with a friend and i was listening to Delilah show yes i know what sappy show, how ever i feel like i was meant to listen to it because as some of you know ive been working hard to try to find a job and some other stuff going on in my life has left questioning, doubting but ultimaitly believing God has a plan but a caller had a called in explaining how he and his wife lost their jobs, home and car and now back on their feet with a 6 week old baby boy and he calling to thank his wife and Delilah for her inspertional music and thoughts and she put what he went through and what im going extramly well better than anthying i could have come up with.. which is she explaining when metaral artist who make jewerly for engagment/wedding rings keep things in the fire for certain time and keep a close eye on it so all the inpurity ofr melted out and it starts to form well when we go through difficult times thats whats Gods doing with us he modling us and taking out our impurities and athough we may feel like he's far away in actuallity he right there makeing sure we mold into what he wants us to be which was so uplefting for me because i finally kina got way to explane everything and i know im truly blessed even with out a job to my friends and family who are praying for me and helped mold and shape me into the person im becomming i greatly apprate everything you have and will contunie to do

ON THE CRAZY ROADS AGAIN..........

I had planed to leave my apt on friday morning at 4 am for the thanksgving break now i know what most of are you thinking.... Marge are freaking nuts??????? yes i am.... many reasons on why for this one being its an 8 hr drive and i was driving alone and i wanted to get home before all the crazy texas kids get on the roads back home since they get the whole week off and i wanted to get through austin before all the KU fans got there for the game tonight well i couldnt sleep thursday night at all my gut,brain , and mind are all to thank for this b/c they wouldnt shut off and kept me up so insted i left at 3 am and yes i did this with no sleep and it was raining i was making great time and i make it to pauls valley about 4:15 am like i said not too bad so i pull over for the first of many things to make this unlike any other besides the whole me driving 8 hrs alone i got really sick ( normal for me before i take a trip like this b/c of nervs) never on the trip so i stop in PVS and take of sickness feel fine try to nap for like 30 mins didnt happen plus i discover i leave pillow and buck/teddy in okc ( stuffed animals i have to have to sleep) and makes things even worse plus everyone else had pulled off b/c of rain than get back on raod at 5 am and make it to Gains villes about 545-6 am make it through most of gainsville before i have to pull over again b/c of sickness this time i throw up in pillow case in car didnt want out in pouring rain at night all alone... state trooper pulls off lights on and all and comes to my window while im throwing up and stats to me " miss i noticed your driving alone and i know your not drunk so i thought i make sure your okay" me completly embrased said yes sir im fine just a little sick... he said " okay then ill stay here in my car in case you need me and leave when u get back on the high way" me okay thank you... get back on the road again... make it through most of ft.worth in traffic but only 2 wrecks to deal with and a little rushour not bad i hear the dallas side which had about 50 wrecks and I35 shut down both ways at one point so glad i went through ft.worth stop just south of ft.worth for gas, drinkage and throw trash and pillow case away back on the road again... hit austin about 11:15 am well doing good until hit more traffic at one point they had to close the access road south bound and forcing all of us on the 35 to move into 2 lanes b/c of a fire where at one point we were parked yes parked our cars and watched the fire fighters put out the fire and watch the building collapse and watch as ems,other fighters and other cops go work like 30 more wrecks...... on top of the fire finally we get moving again yay and i make it through until i get close to where my friend had a wreck and i said God your not taking me here like you took my friend and i was okay yay and then i finallly make it home at 1 pm my 8 hr drive became a 10 hr drive with no sleep..... thank God for rain b/c if it hadnt been raining i dont think id would have surrived the trip

what hurts the most

I remeber how sweet and caring you used to be how you so provtive of me and your sister

how you loved being with your friends and your smiled made everything better your hugs

were strong but soft you had the heart any girl wants in their man

than you left for felt the call of procting others call your name

you never came back the same but the guy i knew i also knew was still in you

than getting talk with you always made my days better and for some reason

always made me smile

now just hearing your name, seeing your picture

brings nothing but tears the pain still real wounds still tender as if i just found out hearing your story and telling just kills my soul

i feel as though this is a never ending nightmare

but i knows it real

but the problem is i dont know how to feel.............

all i know is i wish i could be with you but im not i ever will be able to be with you ever again

my friend i love you, you were my big brothers and friend i never could bear to lose

and my worst fear may come true

and all i can do is play the what if game and cry.................

i pray the Lord your Soul to Keep and Pray we will meet again someday somehow

doing the right thing sucks sometimes

why does doing the right thing suck sometimes

and where in the bible did he say this ( not literally)

i did something tonight i never thought i would ever do

but i know i did the right thing it just sucks cause in

the process i hurt someone else not on purpose

but i felt and prayed about this and i know it is the right thing

it just sucks cause its causing pain to someone else

blah

i hate this

my 2 roads

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Take

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveler, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing thereHad worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I love the poem the Road less traveled by Robert Frost

because it defines my life literally it always has and as i sit here tonight typing this blog it defines yet again, i lost my job in Dallas back at the end of June and have been job hunting since march ( when i first knew) and when i was trying to find my way back to Oklahoma and i thought okay im starting early enough to get a job in a school as ta again well i sit in September still very much job less but living in state of okliehoma but i will say this journey has been a lot more difficult than i was ever ready for, i find my self doubting and questioning myself, my worth, weather or not God really has a plan for me and if he really is in control and what not i also found my move to be causing world war III in my family my bro/sis in law weren't happy about it b/c they lost control over me and because i was going to do it on my own well with help of my mom her fiancee and many amazing friends both in Texas andOklahoma and in n.c. with prayers help of moving and making connections on to where to apply for jobs and networking which is something that really wouldn't have hap pend in Dallas and one of the biggest things i get away from the "ohhh your robey's little sister" yes i got that even Dallas not that im not proud of him or happy to be his little sister but i wanted my own identity

for me i wanted to be known for me and what i do which only happens in OK, but also im alot happier here

im at home its my home and a majority of my friends are here and for once its one place i have always felt i belonged

so im writ ting this to update most of you that i moved back to Oklahoma on a leap of faith hoping God will provide and

knowing this where i belong and iii hope he has plan for me but since i have been back

i have done more in one month here than i did in a year in Dallas i dont know why i dont know if its because

im happier or my friends are here or if its just that i feel i have more opportunity here

than i did in Dallas now dont get me wrong Dallas is nice place and love to visit but the people

there are nuts but it wasnt for me and i wasnt happy and i felt further from God in my year there

than i ever did in sa and okc i dont know why

but im glad to be back

to my friends ive seen im so happy to those i haven't we will soon

and thank you to all of you who have helped me out

from listening to me cry/ get upset/ move/ pray or just been there for me

thank you for being my strength while i have been

but i Know God is good and im sooo blessed

it was bound to happen

it was bound to happen

a majority of my friends and of course my sister in law amy her sister ashlee their mom and my mom all happen to love a little store called IKEA, the thing is i have seen stuff online, seen the books but had never been in one which in my family is an unwritten sin for females this worse than not wearing make up 5 days a week, what not but never fear this weekend after finding a place to stay in okc we were looking at some entertainment centers, chirs and stuff we spent an hour in the store start to finish and looking at stuff however we walked out spending a whooping $0.21 cents yes your reading this right only 21 cents were spent on something i have photos to post on fb and myspace later

but i have offically been in IKEA next step i guess is to own something from there

an actually update on life will come later when i move.....

im a woss

if you have known me for any length of time you will learn few things scare but the things that do i have good reason for  last night i was really excited with the storms coming my way in Mckinney i love i mean i love storms and every thing about then i was watching for them comming listening to weather men seeing what was happening west of where i live saying this is gonna be awsome and when they hit they were amazing i got to see a lowering take place outside my complax a lowering meaning trying to become a torando didnt happen but to see it try wow amazing unreal site and we lost power which really in whole sceem things not a big deal in my mind or so thought... i went to ihop with my wensday night group and went home and noticed my side of town was black no one had lights everyone was using their brights and the sheirffics offiicers along with mckinney police were directing traffic and giving the power comapnys as much light as they could and keeping people from down power lings tress and what not the bad side to stroms like this is the loss of power at this point im at 21 hours no power but the problem for me is I AM FREAKING SCARED OF THE DARK people trying hurt not as scarry in my mind, fighting with people not a big deal walking at night dosent bother me the FACT I HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE DARK SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME now your thinking marge/margaret your 26 years old this is silly and yes it may sound silly to you however i do have my reasons of personal matter that dates back to something happening in my past that will forever make me scared of the dark..... last night i had to try to be calm and collective thanks to my mom and a friend i did okay until i tired to sleep which didnt happen.... but its okay but from now own im going to have as many back ups as i can so i dont have to ever sleep in the dark again............

ohhhh oc

1. What was OC called when you went there? OC 2. What was your mailbox number? i ended up w/3 of em i know one was 635  3. What was your favorite / least favorite class? thats hard cause i loved all the classes w/curt and john thompson and i loved ape w/ houston least deffently math  4. Who was your favorite professor? Curt, Dr. Thompson, Newell, Houston  5. Did you ever sneak out after curfew? dorms no apts many times :)  6. Did you fall in love at OC? nope  7. What was your favorite OC cafeteria meal? never had one  8. Were you in a social club? KAPPA. but really gamma and beta  9. Did you ever get in trouble for the clothes you wore? never 10. What was your major? Your almost major? How many times did you change? i was sped but then lovely mike oneil cut it so than i tired bible, ym, and education ended up liberal studies  11. Any OC Nicknames? lets see marge,margo,margie,margey i think thats it  12. Favorite chapel memory? well i have few but my favorite seemed to come when i sat eaither with KAPPA OR CSK  13. Did you play intramural sports? only in gamma but football, softball, basketball  14. Favorite late night memory? too many  15. Favorite spring sing memory? i loved being a tree for cards, a book for waldo, i loved helping kappa with their snaps  16. Best prank? freshmen year me a couple of friends filled condoms full of water/shaving cream wrote words/messages/ faces on em and threw in to certain guys dorm rooms  17. Do you keep in touch with anyone from OC? yes some of my best friends came out of oc 18. Did you ever have a run in with a skunk? nope but i saw a few and saw some guys get a run in with one and scream like girls  19. Funniest roomie story? jenn and i being locked out and jenn n. having to come save us and sercuirty didnt believe us  20. Were you in any plays/ musicals? no  21. What was your campus job? I never had one  22. Any OC confessions? i broke the apartment rules ALL THE TIME! i have to agree with jillian on this one  23. What does NCL mean to you? Non-Committal Lip!!! also it means bodacious LC 24. Which office did you spend the most time in? Probably IT getting my computer fixed or hanging out with my then boyfriend Adam 25. Fondest OC memories? the times with my guys, austin, jackson, jay, rhodes, rigsby, jarred, wade, joshua, kyler, brandon wheelock, adam, leah, liz, anna, mandy, jarhead, morgan, britnie, jennifer, etc. there are just TOO many to name them all!! chorale tours were ALL spectacular 26.What do YOU remember? i remember it all!! and i miss it like crazy.

dancing in the rain!!!!!!!

so today i realized the last note i actually wrote that was worth anything or had anything worth reading was 2 months excatly to todays date weird i know but thats not really the imporant thing work has been nuts and and i legally cant blog about it so if you email,call or message me i can  cause its not public that way... any way the reason for this blog is God reminding me to be child like and doing something for myself yes i just said doing something for ME!!!!!!!!! awhile i promised myself the next time we had a good down poor no matter what ( expect for being at work) i was going to go out in the rain and dance like im a little kid and this is always a favorite of mine i tend to do it alot  its one of those little things in life you can never get enough of like star gazing for me it constant reminder of my God and how FREAKING AMAZING HE IS!!!!!!!!!!! so today i got home went to the gym here at my apt complax and litterally  the second i walked out down came all of this rain  i got very giddy no lie i worse than any teenage girl in love with the jo bros  well i danced and walked all the way back to my apt and came right out on my balochonay where i sit now waiting for more rain and people were thinking im aboustly insaine  and i thought to myself have we in our world today gotten to the point to where its wrong or silly to enjoy such simple pleasures as dancing in the rain or star gazing or strom watching

if thats the case I DONT WANT TO STAY IN THIS WORLD FOR MUCH LONGER  and as i danced in the rain without a care in world i truly felt Gods presance and i also felt like a little kid 

I hope i never forget to stop being child like  because if i do i dont desvreto live its one of Gods GREATEST gift to us to be like the children and to have a heart like theirs  and to me its supper ubber sad when people forget that children are our greatest teachers............

thanks maddie

A - Available: of course. as always. me too - Age: 26 - Animal: i want eaither daisy or buffy ie my puppies B - Birthday/Birthplace: 11-12-82 ( known as the day of hell for me) / ft. worth - Best Friends: Lauren, Teddie, kps, annajane,aubrie,angie,rosa - Best feeling in the world: knowing somebody loves you for who you are - Best weather: 60/70s blue skys or storms - Been on stage?: yep - Believe in yourself?: rarely - Believe in life on other planets:not really - Believe in miracles: deffently look at my life - Believe in Magic: not at all - Believe in God: yesssssss - Believe in Santa: in spirit of what he stands for - Believe in Ghosts/spirits: kinda more like angels :) C - Car: i want eaither toyota highlander or honda crv but i guess my jeep grand cheeroke will have to do for now :) - Color: purple,blue, green - Cried in school: yep. and no one of my friends ever knew - Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate sometimes swirl - Chinese/Mexican: i♥mexican food. - Cake or pie: neither. not cake/pie fan D - Day or Night: what's one without the other? i like my days for certain things and my nights for others - Danced: tons of times - Dance in the rain: yeah - Do the splits: pep squad enough said ( yes we had to learn em) E - Eyes: ...baby blue? - Everyone has: the right to be who they are and not be judged - Ever failed a class?: yep a couple actually F - First crush: not saying :) - Full name: margaret anne canaday - First thoughts waking up: crap im running late i feel like crap G - Greatest Fear: not making a difference in the world - Giver or taker: giver - Gum: not a gum chewer but i guess tradient H - Hair Color: light brown with blode/auburn heighlights - Height: 5'5"". - Happy: most of the time depression sucks sometimes - How do you want to die?: painlessly and fast as possible - Health freak?: not really - Hate: ppl putting others down /being jerks for no reason I - Ice Cream: rocky road, parlines n cream, coffe falvored ( very few) - Instrument: ive attempted the fallowing- voice, vilon, recorder, zilophone, piano, gaitar J - Jewelry: 3rings. necklace, 2 bracelettes, watch - Job: now sped ta future who knows K - Kids: love 'em. not sure i want em - Keep a journal?: not anymore L - Letter: dont have favorite - Laughed so hard you cried: love wen i do it - Love at first sight: dont believe in it M - Milk flavor: cant drink it - Movie: romantic comdy, disney - Mooned anyone: haha yeah - Motion sickness: occossonally - McD’s or BK: rarely McDs ( useually for hi - c orange :) ) N - Number of Siblings: 1 plus 2 sisters in laws - Number of Piercings: 2 in ears - Number: clueless O - Overused Phrases: "lol", "thats what she said" "whatever" - One wish: friends/fam to be happy P - Place you’d like to live: Europe - Pepsi/Coke: i like both but only one please Q - Questionnaires:good way to waste time R - Reason to cry: loneliness, desperation, sadness, grief, hurt, good ones maddie i added one - Radio Station: 99.5 - Roll your tongue in a circle?: nope S - Song: right now white hourse- taylor swift, im not that girl- wicked sound track - Shoe size: 61/2-8 1/2 - Skipped school: yeah - Slept outside: camping is so much fun. i agree - Sports: previous --- took part in swimming - watch football, basketball, soccer, baseball/softball - Seen a dead body?: too many times :( - Smoked?:nope - Swear?: guilty - Shower daily?: every other day skin cant handle daily - Sing well?: hahaha your funny - Stuffed Animals: buck, pinky,kevy,cj - Single/Group dates: mainly single. groups have their places. once agian i agree - Strawberries/Blueberries: i like both :) T - Time for bed: supposedly ummm now dont have one - TV: news, what not to wear, sports,say yes to the dress - Touch your tongue to your nose?: haha never been able to V - Vegetable you hate: brocolie/ cooked carrotes/ - Vegetable you love: okra W - Weakness: i am really independent. and im extermally hard on myself - When you grow up: i thoguht i knew now im clueless - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Lauren i guess none of my friends really act liek me which is a good thing - Who makes you laugh the most: my kids i guess - Worst feeling: not only being but knowing that you are alone. and no bothers to find out how your really feeling - Wanted to be a model?: no i always knew i was too ugly/fat/stupid for that - Where do we go when we die: eaither heaven or hell X - X-Rays:lets see, head,wrist, ankesl (both),lungs - X-Files: havent seen in awhile Y -Year it is now: 2009. Z - Zoo animals: are fun to see - Zodiac sign: scorpio LAST PERSON WHO 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: techanlly jenn 2. Last person to see you cry?: ummmmm i dont know ive been crying alone alot 3. Went to the movies with you?: laura 4. You went shopping with?: umm charlotte i think 5. You went to dinner with?: jenn,laura 6. You talked to on the phone?: dj 7. Made you laugh?: jenn /dj

25 things

25 Random ThingsShare Today at 12:48am Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people, then click publish.) 25 random things about me.

i tag anyone who hasnt/or wants to do this  1. I hate the educational systeam 2. I love teaching though  3. I have thought about writting a book  4. I want to go to europe and plan to before im 30  5. I dont think I will ever get married and actually okay with this  6. I am very selfish  7. I ve never been kissed  8. Im thinking going for my masters and phd  9. I love flowers :)  10. I love to be with my friends  11. People often think I dont relize when people make fun of me I do I choose to take the higher road and not care  12. my main goal in life is to make a difference in the people i meet lives  13. I hate big crowds  14. I paint  15. I won first place in dance compation doing a duet  16. I wish my best friend lived closer to me :(  17. I have issues with church in gerneral  18. I love to be orgainzed i just cant get my brain to do it to where it makes seance  19. I love musicals and been in a couple  20. Im my grandmothers child and i was my grandads favorite girl  21. unlike Gayle im not strong  22. Sometimes I still cry when I miss my Grandmother/granddad 23. I love to prove people wrong when they tell i cant do something cause ill do it  24. trust is the hardest thing for me to do b/c of my past and im still very weary of people  25. I truly hate my birthday and I always will I actually fear that day it is truly the worst day of my life and as years go on I hate it even more

WHATS OUR EXCUSE

watch the story in the link below it takes less than 3 mins i would like to thank a friend of mine for giving me the link to this and sending this to me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFz-FMj-9Ps now that you have watched the video I ask now if these Tara and Bella can be best friends and look past the differences in size, shape, race,money,jobs, stright or gay, short or tall, beautiful or not , religion,disability or none? than as the reporter asks whats our excuse? why cant we? why dont we start judging people by their hearts not their looks this something i have working on with going to church but as i meet people and get to know people i still do not judge people by outside apprances, money, sexual peferanes or reglion, disability will we ever look past the differences of people As Christians we called to judge the HEART and SOUL of a Person becuase he choose to judge this way because he knows in the end all that matters is the heart and soul of person NOT THEIR APPARENCE, MONEY, RACE, DISABILTY and if we did maybe the world would be a better place SO REALLY WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE?

really is worth it

Okay some of you know and some of you dont but i have been struggling to find the point and imporantance of church now i know its not about me but about others but here is the thing how can we be encourged and learn about God ( not indepth) but we should learn something about God or another way to look at our spirtiual walk but how can this done when  lately our churches no longer welcome new commers insted they get told well if you didnt grow up in this sort of church your going to hell, or you dont make the kind of money accepted in this church your not welcome or my personal favoirte you can be going to a church but when you need a ride or help after helping so many all of the sudden its inconvance for anyone to help and than rip people apart for not being there, also i love when churches take advantage of people i will tell all of the above seniors are real and i have personally seen all of them happen now i know many of you saying well the church isnt the building but the people well im talking about the people in church and I know humans are stupid but we are and the politics of the church are so obisous that i dont think church leaders know how obisous it is to the outsiders but ohh how we can tell i feel that church is no longer for encourging others but for puting them down  so i leave it you my friends to give your thoughts on why church may be or may not be imporant

i got tagged by aub

THANKS AUB  8 Things About Me 8 Tv Shows I Watch: 1. Dancing with the stars 2. Home Extreme Make Over 3. Clean House 4. Say Yes to the Dress ( guilty pleasure) 5. Project Runway 6. the local news  7. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Making the team ( i dont know why eaither)  8.  8 Favorite Resaurants 1. La Fonda ( SA)  2. FudRockers  (SA) 3. Foliaros ( SA) 4. Panera Bread 5. Flat Tire (love me some fried pickles) 6. Chilis 7. Taco Cabana 8. EZS (SA) 8 Things That Happened Today (last 24 hours): 1. woke up  2. went to work  3. car got totaled :(  4. froze  5. drove home while talking to 4 different people with out hanging up the phone  6. surrived torandos and  wintery mix  7. did my hair  8. started car shoping  8 Things I Look Forward To: 1. SEEING MY FRIENDS IN OKC IN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS 2. CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AND PRESENTS TO FRIENDS AND FAM  3. GETTING TO BE BETTER AT WORK  4. THE BREAK COMING UP  5. HELPING OTHERS  6. New Year's: party, AND STARTING 09 RIHGT  7. HAVING ALL MY NEW BEDDING ON MY BED  8. SEEING KATIE AND SAMMIE WHEN THEY COME HOME  8 Things I Wish For: 1. FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO BE HEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL  2. TO BE THE BEST AIDE  I CAN BE  3. prayers THAT I DO GODS WILL  4. MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS  5. TO   HAVE FRIENDS IN MCKINNEY  6. TO BE A BETTER FRIEND AND GIVER OF MY SELF  7. TRAVEL  8. FALLOW MY HEART  I tag anyone who hasn't done it, or wants to be tagged again. I know some of you do...

church

I find myself still not seeing the point in church even after everything I have visted a few here and a few in edmond and sa and everything I still feel like Im not growing or learning anything and I feel like Im growing more in my talks with my friends and my personal prayer time and peprsonal bible studies than i do from any church sermon being preached It also doesnt help the I know too well the politics facing ALL CHURCHES and because of those Politics I feel that going to a church building on sunday morning than talking, reading and praying with my friends and Gods tells us that where two or more grathered he is there with us and I feel like when I do that, that respents what Church should be and I tend to feel closer to God and learn more about him than I do with any thing done in the Church  so whats the imporance of church when it comes down to it all i see is the politics and it echos out to outsiders more than people will ever admit and I feel that when i do stuff with my friends is more a vaule to my personal walk and in talking with a few of my closest friends they all actually see where im comming from and agree and i know the church is made of sinners and im no different and i understand that it also made of people with different points of views and not seeing eye to eye on everything but also see churches taking advantage of people when theyre suppose to be helping them  i think my kiki had it right when she meet with her pastor weekly and read her bible although big crowds scared her for me i dont see the point in church so i will countie my personal studies and talking with friends because church is just pointless in my eyes and heart

my wreck

Some of you know what happend yesterday with my wreck while some of you dont and im kinda tired of saying over and over so let get the whole story out and if you have questions feel free to ask Friday Morning I was on 380 which is a major road here in dallas area i was heading to I35 on my was to OK I had taken the day off just for the drive well im about 30 mins or so away from my apt here and I was stoped at a redlight when a truck with a flat bed went around me and took out my left side and right side of a fire marshalls truck I was in the left lane and the fire marshall was in the lest turn lane and next thing i know the truck was flying (literally) and took out the left side it a huge blessing he didnt hit me from behind I was walked away fine no injuries or anything no one was hurt another huge blessing the fire, ems, and police could not beieve i wasnt hurt when they saw the state of my car nor could they figure out or could we figure out how the hell ( pardon langue) he got between us with out more damage done a co worker came and got me and brought me home and im fine i have a rent car and have no clue as to what will happen to my angelbaby ie my car love much marge

GROW UP AMERICANS

DEAR AMERICANS  THE ELECTION IS OVER AND I DONT CARE HOW YOU VOTED AND BUT IM GOING TO MAKE THIS CLEAR EMOTIONS RAN AND ARE STILL HIGH HOWEVER  I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE HIM OR NOT IT IS OUR JOB AS AMERICANS TO STAND BEHIND THE PRESIDENT AND SUPPORT THEM THAT IS OUR JOB AND AS CHRISTIANS ITS OUR JOB TO PRAY FOR THEM AND THE COUNTRY  NOW STOP YOUR WHINNYING IF YOUR PERSON LOST AND START DEALING WITH THE FACT THAT ITS OVER AMERICA MADE ITS CHOICE ITS TIME TO SUPPORT HIM  THE BEST WAY TO SEE PRESIDENT IS  HE IS OUR BOSS  AND YOU MAY NOT LIKE YOUR BOSS BUT YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT HIM REGARDLESS  NOW THOSE WHINNYING STOP IT AND GROW UP  WE HAVE HIM FOR 4 YEARS THAN WE CAN CHOSE ANOTHER ONE  AND LETS REMEMBER THAT UNITED STAND DIVIDED WE FALL  SO GET OFF YOUR SOAP OPRAH BOXES AND JUST ACCEPT THE FACT WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT

bitter sweet moment

Today has been full emotions for many that I refuse to talk about  but for one  event of the day had me balling  like and smile all at the same time. 

One of My girls  she is  a doll and hoot i love her to death 

well today was Special Olympics Bowling Area Wide ( Whole another story in its self) 

But for this one girl  Her Dad took  off the day off work  just so he could drive down to Dallas  to watch His little Girl Bowl and  He Brought Her Lunch  and ate with her and drove her back to Shcool and took her home  and he and  I got some time to chat while he waited for her to do some stuff at school and  he asked  how close me and my Don are/were and I told  him we dont even speak for a viraty of reasons and he looked me and said why does Don your you not close I  told him, Don made that Choose along time ago and He told that is was the saddiest thing he had ever herd and could not imgaine not having his Little girl in his life he told me hed rather use up all his sick and vacation days to spend with her and all of his kids 

and when i told im okay with it and  he looked to his little girl called her "his angel" 

and her face to light up the whole made me  smile and hurt 

loving my kids

So its been awhile  since i last updated and im sorry for that 

Work is going really well its been reall tough  some of the kids have a hard time understanding im that im one of their teachers but major break through happend when out of blue today we brought out a wig ( blonde with a crown) and after wearing it  placed on me and "showed me off to our friends in the next class and our prinicable) and than gave me a hug which was huge  she hadnt done this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart broke to know that one of my boys  parents  pulled him out of school moved to another city because  they couldnt get away with doing things the way they had before and cheat the systeam and he cried as he left  and another exciting thing for me is that 2 of my student aides applied for college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a big deal because they like me are dyslexic and  like me told they couldnt do this and i helped them do it and to know they did it makes me soooo happy and  another thing going on is im having a hard time  with educational systeam i want to rip it to pieces and start it again and its very hard b/c i cant for the life me understand why teachers, staff, adminstators  think they would have the right to tell students they cant do something ??????? anyone want to try to explaine this one to me please? 

i have not  found  a church home yet and im struggling with that on many levels  and if you know me you know why  and also  i have alot  of personal stress right now and i ask for prayers 

i hope all the best for you 

id rather be poor...........

lately i have been thinking about my Granddad ( Dons Father)  and how different men they are 

now im not saying thats a bad thing by any means, but  what my Granddad stood for as man makes me cry b/c i never got to know b/c he was taken on my 5th birthday which one of reasons i hate my bday but from what everyone in my family tells me and can agree on is that I was his PRIDE AND JOY and  that is something  i wish i knew more about  but whats been making me think of him of everything that has happend this last year  from graduation to getting  a job i have always woundered if he would be proud of me  and what kind of man he was  and the from past stories and what i hear he was the man i hope to marry if  im meant to get married  cause he is the complete opposite of my father  my grandfather was a barbar in springfield mo  and he loved  his job and he made sure he knew everyone of his customers by name and he was fair and honest and he loved life and my memaw ( his wife) worked at gift store and tv station  and they never had a lot of money but one thing they made sure my aunts and don had was love and made sure each of them felt special and imporant  which are values of  what i look  they wanted make sure they had  the good stuff  such as good memories and a good life . Don wanted to make sure he was never poor which is fine goal and great but is worth  missing time with kids and missing things imporant to them for instance growing up and even know if you know me  you know we dont have much money at all after don left   and never did but  we always had  my moms love  she made sure to be at every football game for robey and every pepsquad performance for me and every ARD meeting and made sure i was there too  

my dad  made a majorty of robeys stuff and never anything for me. 

and as more of friends get married and the more i live my life 

i see what kind of man i hope i marry if i meant to be married  

I want  a man whose home every night and who would rather be with his fam than work 

now i know there times you cant be at everything but  i value  the time spent togather and memories made than in material things  like Don am i saying its bad to want martiallistic things no but  not when it cost you  your child or your family or their time is worth it no 

so thats why i would rather be poor and happy with love  like my granddad and my memaw 

than rich and with money  and not truly happy 

thanks Granddad for being the man you were............

I love and miss you more than youll ever know and i hope someday to see you again and know you better 

home but not

well im finally in my apt in mckinney texas furnture and all and im trying to adjust to life here 

and it ways im so excited and in ways im hating it  all in one 

and since getting the job a lot has happend  and i have had a furry of emontions and this weekend is first time more like sat and today have been the only time i have had to adjust to everything 

and deal with my emontions and  i moved down on whim and lived with my bro and sister in law for a  few days in that my aunt passed away and my car got broken into and all my clothes stolen so in addition moving and getting adjusted to a new town, new school and new co workers and students and i aboustly love my job love it and than  in my apt in ways its mine in ways i dont feel like it is but thats me  my sister in law and her sister and my brother are trying to get me to be more of the "dallas seene" and its just not who i am  its not who my teachers are but i like some of the clothes some i dont plus theyre forcing change on me way too fast and im one i like change and love trying new things but at my pace not theirs  and they dont like that i dont have their taste in stuff  but hopefully i can get back to being me  

the more i grow up and more i live in this world the more i feel  like i dont belong here  in it 

im hoping things will get better 

lil update

Wow sorry its been awhile and things have been crazy 

for those of you who do not know 

I GOT A JOB AS A SPECIAL ED TA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im here in dallas working at boyd high school  and i could not ask for a better school, district or teacher  or other aide  and i love it already 

this weekend im going to get the rest of my furnture and try to get settled in my apt here in dallas 

last week had to be the hardest week ive had to deal with but its okay 

God is blessing me with this job 

more to come later 

what ive been dreaming of...............

Im so full of emontion right now happy,sad,scared, excited, worried, nervous all at once and for those who know me im not used to being an emontional girl at all this something i dont handle well at all  the reason im so emontional is I GOT A JOB AS SPECIAL ED TA IN MCKINNEY TX which north of dallas and so im having to move which fine but its hard im excited but not and im scared to death i will fail at my dream which for those who dont know is to be an advocate for people with disabilites and help these kids live the best life possible and achive  the most potantel for them and help parents understand what their rights are under ADA and each state law and work through the paper  work and so id been thinking the best way is to start as an aide and move to being a teacher and so on i cant believe im on track to do this....... but i also am scared to death i will fail my friends and family the school, the districit and the kids but more imporantaly God which I hope  I dont i mean i know im not perfect but still its scarry the way im looking at this is as yet another new beiging and another chance  at life and but i need to thank all of friends and family who have helped me become  and made me who i am 

the thing that scares me the most is that in all the excitment i will lose who i am  im hoping not meanining i will lose sight of why im doing this and lose my heart for it. Im having to come out of my comfort zone actually be girly ( very scarry i know) but hopefully this a change for the best 

wow its been an insane  tense   week at work and outside of it as well 

I wish my parents would own up to when their kids miss behave and not make excuses for it cause we will not put up with nor should we have to  i can officially say i have herd every single excuse in the book and it will not fly with us than i have had a lot of drama outside work and its weird how much i have had i feel like i haven't had a chance to breath and than one best friends also had a bad week so we were a force to be dealt with  but today has actually been fairly claim surprisingly and lately i have been doubted God  I know im heathen for it but i guess its in my nature right now i have always just known what the next step would be i may not have known how i was going to get there or when  but i just knew for example when i was little kid i always knew i didn't read or see words and letters and numbers the same as my classmates when i was in 2nd grade we found out i was dyslexic but i also knew there was something else and wasn't till i was a junior in high school  that we found out i was dysgraphic and i always knew i would go to college i didn't know when or where  and i applied to 9 colleges and got into 3 not bad and came and graduated form oc  but now for the first time in my life i dont know what comes next i know what i want to do and have a heart for but i dont know if its what God wants me to do and I have been feeling like may be he's not in control or doesnt have a plain I know this sounds stupid and  I know he does I just dont feel like he does cause I dont know what the next step and this a rather scary feeling for me  

and I dont know how to feel and or do its just weird to me 

but  I know im not the only one who feels like it 

food for thought

Okay so its been awhile since my last post ( not like too many people actually read this or care) but any way 

so recently a lot of people have been asking how is it that im not judgemental of people until i get to know them and see their true colors  or ask me why i dont put people down for the things they have done  and since this seems to be a reoccuring thing i figure i should blog on it ehh pluse its not like i have much else to blog about so here it goes 

there is an old saying  dont judge a book by its cover well thats how i view people because what we see on the outside useually isnt who they are and if it sometimes i like to get to know people because it opens my eyes to another point of view on life and in the real world and i love it 

and i also dont judge because im called not to  God is the only one allowed place judgement on humans  and ive always herd actions speak louder than words and yes to a degree i agree with but the heart and soul of a person are the loudest speakers of all and  when we choose to icnore that by judging others than we refusing to liston to our brothers an sisters and help them to see the world a different presptive  and  i also choose not judge becuase  people until i get to know them because im a firm believer thats a reason for everyone to be in ourlives be it a min or until we die and i love that my different friends and people i know bring a different prespative and challange me with what i know what i need to learn and how to grow stronger as person in this world  and as a christian 

as christians we should never be comfortabe in our faith so by having so many different people i get see God in so many different ways as well  

and so i can never be comfortable in my faith which is good 

now does this mean i agree with everything all the people i know and all the friends i have do 

no of course not! that be dumb 

but whats great is i can learn from them see things in a different way and try to look at things their way which is awsome 

so my challange to those of you who read  to not judge a person until you get to know them and i mean more than a passive of hi how are you 

i mean really know them 

fathers day............. a mildstone...............

I hope everyone had a good fathersday even for those of you where its a hard day like it is for me i hope something made you smile most of you know me and father never have gotten along and about 3 yrs ago i deicded to stop seeing him and or talking to him which was one that had always killed me and made me cry and i could never sit through church service for any length with out leaving early going back to my room and just breaking down and crying like a baby well yesterday was a huge mildstone for me in my 25 1/2 years on this earth as i set in the church in a small town i saw dads playing with their kids and them talking about their child was eaither daddys boys or girl and my heart melted with a joy of what i hope to have someday when i get married well i told the preacher please dont get offended if i leave early he knew why i would if i do and so i knew it would be okay if i did and well to my surpise i was able to surrive the serman with out one tear shed or even leaving this huge step for me because it means im getting stronger everyday and that couldnt happen with out the support of my friends and this preacher and God he is the main reason why im so strong and it felt good to know i can handle this in small doses i choose to spend the rest of the day in the apt because i really jsut couldnt handle being out in big crowds and although i never did cry another mildstone its still a hard day but it never came more clearer than when no matter what tv station or radio station i listend to or watched they were talking about how great fathers are and i can truthful say i dont know personally i see what others have i think that will always make me a little jelous and my heart will always have a hole in it since my birth father abbanded me in a since and my adotive father didnt want me from the start but yet i can see the joy in my friends and the men i see who truly love their kids and in another mildstone i have gone to church, the same church might i add 3 weeks in row but still so much weights on my mind right now but thats for another day

what are you living for

The title of this post comes from a question my friend  Robert asked me and my other friend jennifer yesterday as we were driving around town from dinner to a movie and other stuff 

and it got me thinking really what do i live for? well i listened to jenn's answer being a promise to her best friends and saying there is a reason why God hasn't taken her yet  and so than its my turn and i sated that i have crazy notation that i want and am making a difference in this world but yet i dont want to know because i never want to feel as though my job is done on making a difference and also i said because i promised my kiki i would go to college  and graduate and so i and i want to see what else God has in-store for me  and i want to  prove people wrong  yes i live for that i mean i know this sounds petty honestly thats what i live for and in talking we asked robert and he like me wants to prove people wrong and its refreshing to know that your not the only one who wants prove people wrong for difference reasons but we also want to make people look at things differently and or in a new way and make them question their judgements. the reason that i do it cause its a passion and being one who has been judge wrongly many times and told i would never amount to anything  it means more to me for me to get people to never doubt  why a person is here on earth cause i truly believe everyone even convicts  are here for a reason  now i will never know why every person is here but i hope you start see all people this way 

i even believe there is a reason why my father is my father even though we dont talk but i still believe he has a purpose here on earth 

i hope i never stop proving people wrong and that i always make people question their judgements about others and  i hope i always strive  to make a difference 

and in the end 

i want to know 

what do you live for? 

peace through pain

on May 13,2005  I made one of the hardest decisions of my life  which was to stop seeing my father this was in no way an easy one i remeber crying over it  and praying about it and relizing it was for the best even though it didnt feel like it, i felt like a failure to my father because i could not meet his standards, to my family, to my friends but i also knew in my heart my grandparents were crying in seeing how i was treated and  not happy so i decided to to stop seeing him and see what happens   fast forward 3 years later and  i have done alot of growing since than  i have relized im a lot happier now than ever and im stronger and  honestly my relationships with my mom, brother, sister in law ( which was never really bad in the first place with her) and my mom finace and my friends espeally the guys  on my part. not only am i stronger and happier and relationships for the most part better im for the first time at peace with him and have hope of having a better life than i ever have in my life and with my Father in my life i would not be in this place of peace which is so nice and even though my feeling about God and church are effy at times  i now can grasp some concepts i never could before although i struggle to death with them 

its amazing what can happen in 3 years time :) 

now with my father am i saying ill never talk to him again probably 

does this mean i want bad things to happen to him no 

but i also know i can never trust him again and 

im perfectly happy and i know he is too 

yay for peace through pain 

7 things not known about margey

1. Im horrified and deathly scared of wasps  and bees 2. I never had cereal for breakfast in 25 years on this earth 3. I was never allowed to mow the yard going up but i always wanted to try it  4. I never read a gossip magaize such as people, or any others the only one i have had read womans world 5. I hate shopping for my self cause i know i should be spending the money on others  6. I have never in my life been called prett, beautiful, or any thing else by guy usueally im the person people make fun of insted  7. actually hate being around other people  i useually rather be alone or in small group of people who actually for whatever reason like for me  ( im useually not the popular person) or i am and but nobody really likes to be around me 

ARE YOU BEING JESUS AND HAVE YOU SEEN GOD

I want you to take a few mins and read the lyrics to a song below and i dont want you to just read them but think about the lyrics and what they are saying 

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop had to take a break  I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk pushing up through the concrete like it was planted right there for me to see the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns all seemed to fade away in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08 I saw God today Chorus: I've been to church I've read the book I know He's here, but I don't look near as often as I should Yeah, I know I should His fingerprints are everywhere I'd just slow down to stop and stare opened my eyes and man I swear I saw God today I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands Man, she had that glow yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show it stood there for a minute takin' the sky lost in that sunset a splash of amber melted in the shades of red Chorus I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She's sleeping like a rock My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes My brand new baby girl She's a miracle  I saw God today

This song talks about seeing God today and seeing him in not untypical  places 

such as a cuple walking down the street or  flowers going through concreate  

i mean we as christians go to church every week or so and  we talk to our friends but do we ever really see God i mean in the little things such as flowers or cuple smiling cause their pegant or  in birds flying. I mean we talk about reading the bible and reaching out to those who dont know Christ, however i have found that  children and alot of none christians and even animals and pets know God better than we do and see him more than we do  and I truly believe we dont look as much as we should and really dont have to look that hard I mean God plays a role in everything we do  but as Christians we have more to do than just look for God  which leads to my next point  once again read the lyrics to this song and think about what the lyrics are saying 

I want you to take a few mins and read the lyrics to a song below and i dont want you to just read them but think about the lyrics and what they are saying    I just walked down the street to the coffee shop had to take a break  I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk pushing up through the concrete like it was planted right there for me to see the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns all seemed to fade away in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08 I saw God today  Chorus: I've been to church I've read the book I know He's here, but I don't look near as often as I should Yeah, I know I should His fingerprints are everywhere I'd just slow down to stop and stare opened my eyes and man I swear I saw God today  I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands Man, she had that glow yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show it stood there for a minute takin' the sky lost in that sunset a splash of amber melted in the shades of red  Chorus  I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She's sleeping like a rock My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes My brand new baby girl She's a miracle  I saw God today   This song talks about seeing God today and seeing him in not untypical  places  such as a cuple walking down the street or  flowers going through concreate   i mean we as christians go to church every week or so and  we talk to our friends but do we ever really see God i mean in the little things such as flowers or cuple smiling cause their pegant or  in birds flying. I mean we talk about reading the bible and reaching out to those who dont know Christ, however i have found that  children and alot of none christians and even animals and pets know God better than we do and see him more than we do  and I truly believe we dont look as much as we should and really dont have to look that hard I mean God plays a role in everything we do  but as Christians we have more to do than just look for God  which leads to my next point   this song is called who will be Jesus  and this song 

talks about how insted of talking badly about people and or going by rumors 

we need to be Jesus to these people and some of them dont know Jesus and others

do but and their in the church 

and what i find interesting as christians were called to love one another and be there for others 

be it our best friends our worst enemies or people we dont even know however 

we treat some of our own worse than those we dont but we all have this sin of 

trying to pretend were better than others and thats in no way of being a Christian and or being a family 

and im going to be blunt  there will always be people who do what you dont think 

is right or even agree but if really want to impact this world of ours maybe 

we should start walking the walk  by saying as we do for instance 

when  we know someone is getting a divorce insted of shunning them and treating them 

like the worlds worst people lets say hey how can help you 

or im praying for you 

is there anything you need 

i know shocking ideas and thoughts 

but  bring this all back into thought 

i have started looking for God on daily base and  trying to be Jesus  to everyone 

around me simply by saying hi or talking to people 

and yet  praying to God 

imagine what could happen if we all did this  

imagine how amazing it would be For God 

and it all you have to do is be your self 

and relize your no better than the next person espolly to God 

cause in the end 

when you die 

God wont ask how many  millions you made 

he will ask you 

how many people to impact and glorify for me 

church really whats point part 2

i leave these thoughts out to my friends and bible/ym major friends for their insight or even bible professors Yesterday I went to church with some of my friends and i found some very interesting feelings and views on christianity for myself we as christians are suppose to be the church, and were called to love and encourage each other whether we are friends or not were all brothers and sisters in Christ but what i find interesting as christians we have decided to tear our selves part and the devil is having a blast while we knock our selves by this i mean if your ( these are typical stereotypes of different groups not specific to any one person i have all of these in my fam and im going off them) Baptist many of them feel like they have the right form of christianity and if your presbyterian you feel as though you usually dont take stand on tough issues your right with God better than others those who are Catholic feel that you need to go though x many amount of saints to get to heaven and talk to God, and if your church of christ your the only right faith and Episcopalian your baptized as a baby and forever saved from all sin however the thing i find interesting is that no one form of christianity has it right because first were never to divided in the first place were supoose to be the church and not 50 forms of it and even though are difference in the end and in the skim of it are very small, our similarites should be what we focus on but we dont and we dicied to focus on our differences and judge other forms of christianity and try be explain why which ever form of christianity you choose is better than all the others and people want to know why were not saving souls and why we lose people its simply becuase we judge people on the stupidest things and reasons and on top of that were trying to one up eachother insted trying to help eachother out and say im of coc but hey if cathlic is more for you ill go with you or ill help find a church or hey i want to be a christian and im here for you every step of the way see where as in so many others forms of reglion they dont fight each other some do yes but us as christians should be working with our brothers and sisters no matter what form of christianity they are cause in the end God could careless what form of christainty you were apart of he going to look at your heart and judge you off that and i believe he would rather have a person who is a christian fighting to save souls of people than us worrying about why our form christainity is better than another and were suposed to be united how can we say were united when were fighting eachother so for these reasons im still struggling to find the purpose in "church"

church really whats the point

a few of you know i have been stuggling trying to figure out what the point of "church" is im putting the word church in quotes cause its really serivce in my oppion cause we are the church or were suppose to be any way i have been struggling with why i should go to it because to me in my oppion and with my understanding its not what it should be and we as christians for the most part dont even do what were called to do in reading my bible i have read and understood that service also known as "church" is suppose to be a time of encourgement, worshiping God, learning about him, and fellowshipping with our brother and sisters in christ and encurage those who are not christians and or those are hurting be it a christian or not and were called not to judge others and or try to help a person meet their needs here is where my problem lies i understand that the people in the church are not perfect nor am i, im the furthest thing from it but in every church i have been in latley eaither coc or pres or other is were suposed to be unified and were letting the stupidist little differe from our other brothers and sisters in christ we werent suppose to be different forms of christianity and than i have found out some in the coc refuse to accept catholics as christians why is this i dont get it cathloics are just as good if not better christians than those in the coc or presbytrain church and in the pres church we decided that if you leave it for another apprantly you can condim everyone to hell and or be a heathen and in coc not only do we not conisder catholics christian but we also feel as though if you werent raised coc your heathen and not going to hell, my responce is where in the bible does it say that have to be of a form coc or any other form of christianity to get into heaven NO WHERE and i have visted churches a lot places my byasis, my dislike of it and my utter dislike of the poltics of any church to try to find one but i keep comming a cross the reasons why i left going to church in the first place every where i go people mad i left, insted asking why or even wanting to know people upset im visting their church and or icnoring the fact im there and on the rare occason people ask me about my faith get upset when i explaine i was raised presbytrain which im very proud about they get upset i wasnt raised in the "church" well i was and i dont get encourgement from the church and i know its not about me im trying to find a place where i can help them but i find more and more the things im best at i do better when im not in the church but when im with my friends i learn more about God and i get encoarugement and give it and help others and see Jesus more outside and the one thing that hruts most is we as christians are the MOST JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE EVER its aboustly STUPID i do not understand this and what gives us the right to judge others i know i have had a lot different experences than most and if you want to know more of those ask me in person im still looking for a church im scared im doing it for the wrong reasons which would be " because im supose to because im a christian" i dont want that to be my reason i want it to be because i want to be there so my question to you my friends and those who a lot more biblical knowlegeable than my self is WHY DO YOU GO TO "CHURCH"/ SERVICE AND PLEASE DONT GIVE ME THE "CHURCH ANSWER" OF BECAUSE ITS SUNDAY AND IM CHRISTIAN IM SUPOSE TO but in the end i really dont understand this and yes angie im including our talk from last night

an unsung hero has died...............

a friend of mine posted this and when i read it i cried i never knew david personally but i had seen him play in many games and i saw what he did for others off the field and when i got this i cried cause david had to be the most upbeat postive person about his situation ever..... he was well respected by college football coaches wanting him by his teams opponites, by his coaches and team, by his family and those who he inspired after their loss at the game the opposing team swed on his jersey number on to their uniforms and they along with his fam friends teammates and both schools baseball teams helped make his house situable for him he was an unsung hero in the greater san antonio area David Edwards, a former Madison High School football player who suffered a paralyzing injury in a 2003 playoff game, died early Wednesday afternoon at Northeast Methodist Hospital, Edwards' grandfather Lorenzo Kelly said. He was 20. Edwards had stopped breathing Monday night. Faye Stanton, Edwards' mother, and a neighbor performed CPR on Edwards before paramedics arrived at their Northeast Side home that night. He slipped into a coma and was listed in critical condition at the hospital Tuesday. Stanton said Edwards had been battling pneumonia since last fall. Edwards was a junior defensive back at James Madison High School when he snapped the fourth vertebra in his neck while making a tackle in a game against Austin Westlake on Nov. 15, 2003. He would have turned 21 Saturday!! -metro newspape

Not A Daddys girl but thats a good thing in a way

Many of you know that my entire 25 yrs on this planet me and father never have gotten along and honestly I wish I could explain why but there elements to it I dont understand why and for years this tugged at my heart and killed me and there alot of things that made me cry about it but through time and being mad at God, myslef and of course the "father" well one of the biggest things that always made me cry were certain songs such as love without an End,Amen, by George Strait, Butterfly Kisses ( not sure on the artist) and Stealing Cinderella by Chuck not sure on last name and some others, well this week they all came on the air on CMT and for the FIRST TIME ever in my LIFE I NEVER CRIED OR GOT TEARY EYED this is huge for me because this means im FINALLY at peace with it and although I still have a long way to go and im really excited about this and I was telling my mom I have to know in my heart I dont need him or want him in my life and many I know have great relationships with your dads and im so happy for you but for me to be at peace with me and the situation with my Father is a huge burnden off my shoulders yay for me I know I will always have part of my heart broken because of it but know that having just the peace is so nice because for me this means im getting stronger this have been a battle i have been fighting since i came home from the hospital and now I dont have to fight and in way im the winner because im not worried about him or any thing and I wish all the best to him and his wife, I have many friends who have and who will stand beside me and are there for me and if I had to choose between them and him i choose them and another thing that I have peace about I no longer will feel bad about living up to his standards or being good enough for him these are very big steps for me and if he were to contact im not sure I would take his call honestly I probably wouldnt cause now im working on forgiving for present crap and I thank my friends for helping me with this struggle it has been a long fought battle but in my heart and soul its done with and thats such a blessing.

friends

When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you she wants you to hold her hand When she wants a hug she will just stand there When u break a girls heart she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds, she is not at all fine When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games!!!!!!!!!!! When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever When a girl says she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future When a girl says, "I miss you," no one in this world can miss you more than that When a girl is mean to you after a break-up she wants you back, but shes scared she'll get hurt and knows you're gone forever Guy Facts: When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you... When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a few minutes he means it When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do When your laying your head on a guy's chest, he has the world When a guy calls/texts/comments you everyday, he is in love When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it When a guy says he can't live without you, he's with you til your done When a guy says, "I miss you,". he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else in reading this when a girl/guy misses you i found it rather interesting at least on the girls part for me how true it is accept mine has a twist or two when i tell a friend guy or girl i miss i really do miss especally if i havent seen them in a really long time or i tell them i love them ( as a friend) i mean it but i have also looked in my friends eyes and woundernd how long they were going to remain my friend mainly because in past any time people have found out that Dyslexic or Disgraphic they tend to stop being my friend or they find out my dad and i dont get a long i lose friends i have lost friends over very stupid stuff ill admit first hand and so my very close friends who i have over a mere matter of time seem to think im "nice" or "amazing" their words not mine now honestly i dont know if i am and i dont really care if i am or not im just very greatful for my best friends for what ever reasons i cant figure and have given up on trying to figure out and im trying to just accept which is very hard for me because in past most friends have had some kind of attachemnt on it but for the first time in life im learning that people might like me for me which i know sounds stupid but when people will stop being your friend because you have a disability or because you speak your mind or because of something in your past than im not sure they are real friends and I am just greatful that i have some amazing friends and you know who you are :) and I thank you for that

beauty what is it really

So im rather annoyed, confused and frustrated with America in gernal  but the thing that bothers me the most  is we are constley telling others that  "outter beauty" really dosent matter its whats inside that counts  however,  i have yet to see a story in a movie, on tv, in real life or even amung my girl friends  we all say this however  it never until someone is in make up or dressed up do we call them "pretty" or "beuatiful"  and i have always been to really look at the heart of person as Jesus did and im guilty of compltemting people when there dressed up and even when there not  but if its really on the inside that counts  than why do only complment each other when were wearing make and guys your just as guilty as the girls  so my question is do really care about the inner beauty or do we just say that  to make others feel better about themsleves  for me its about the inner beauty  thats why im not a fan of make up but when i have too  cause the most beautiful thing is a person's heart  so the next time you go to give someone a complament  think if you really mean it  and  what end of beauty really matters to you

things i wish i could say to the person(s) involved

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now, don't name the person: 1. I MISS YOU MORE THAN YOULL EVER KNOW  2. YOU CAUSED ME MORE PAIN THAN ONE SHOULD KNOW MAY BE WE CAN TALK BUT YOULL NEVER BE THE PERSON YOUR SUPOSED TO BE IN MY LIFE  3.I WANNA PLAY WITH YOU AT YOUR HOME OR IN NYC WHEN IS GOOD FOR YOU  4. YOUR SOO AMAZING I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT  4. SHE WILL BE OKAY SHES COME SOO FAR  5. YOU BETRAYED ME AND MY TRUST I WILL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN AND YOU HAVE HURT HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOUR GENDER YOUR AN F****** A****** 6. YOUR MY BEST FRIEND THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME, BUT IM SCARED I HAVE LET YOU DOWN  7. WE NEED TO CAUSE MORE TRUBLE  8. WE NEED TO PLAY  9. SORRY IM NOT PRETTY ENOUGH SORRY IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH  10. YOUR AMAZING I LOVE YOU  NINE things about yourself: 1. I LOVE MY FRIENDS 2. I LOVE HUGS WHERE IM HELED TIGHTLY  3. I TELL IT LIKE IT IS  4. I HAVE YET TO SEE ME BEING ANYTHING BUT CUTE  5. I HOPE IM MAKING A DIFFERENCE  6. I love RAIN  7. I LOVE MY DOG 8. I HAVE TO HAVE LIGHTS AND TV ON FOR ME TO SLEEP  EIGHT ways to win my heart: 1. BE MY FRIEND  2. LISTEN TO ME  3. PROVE TO ME I CAN TRUST YOU  4. HOLD ME  5. be there for me.... I LIKE HEATHER ROSE'S ANSWER :) 6. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL OR PRETTY SHOW IT TO ME DONT JUST SAY IT  7. NEVER STOP DOING THE LITTLE THINGS  8. BE HONEST WITH ME  SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot: 1. I NEED A JOB 2. DOES JESUS LIKE ME . 3. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING  4. I HOPE MY FRIENDS ARE HAPPY  5. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TODAY  6. WHAT IS GOD DOING WITH ME  7. I NEED A CHURCH HOME  SIX things you wish you never did: 1. ALL I WISH 2. I  3. NEVER  4. DID  5. OR SAY  6. DOESNT BELONG ON HERE JUST ASK ME  FIVE turn offs: 1. JERKS  2. YELLIG  3. MAKING OUT  4. YEALL INAPPROATE WORDS OR PHRASES 5. CLEANNY  FOUR turn ons: 1. Smiles I AGREE 2. PERSONALITY  3. smart boys! AGREE 4. Hugs!AGREE THREE words that describe your life: 1. CRAZY  2. WILD 3. NUTS  TWO things you want to do before you die: 1. GO TO EUROPE  2. WHAT EVER ELSE GOD WILLS FOR ME  ONE confession: 1. I WISH YOU WERE MINE

grace is truly amazing

TODAY I GOT A CALL THAT MADE ME CRY LIKE A BABY MY FRIEND GINNA ( MY MENTOR SISTER) WHO ABOUSTLY AMAZING GRACE IS HER DOUGHTER AND ONLY 2 AND HAS HAD MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS THAN ANY HUMAN LITTLE ANY CHILD SHOULD EVER HAVE IF WANNA KNOW THEM ALL HERE IS LINK HTTP:// www.gracecrocker.com GRACE IS THE SWEETIEST LITTLE GIRL EVER AND JUST LOOKING AT HER WILL MELT YOUR HEART HER STORY WILL HOPEFULLY INSPIRE BUT YET MAKE YOU CRY. GINNA CALLED ME TODAY TO TELL THAT GRACE IS HAVING YET ANOTHER SURGERY EAITHER IN LATE FEB OR MARCH AND THEY STILL DONT KNOW WHAT CAUSING HER HEALTH PROBLEMS BUT GINNA AND GRACE AND THE REST THE FAM ARE TAKING IT DAY BY DAY AND TO KNOW THIS LITTLE ANGEL IS HAVING ANOTHER SURGERY IS MAKING MY HEART BREAK IN 2 IF YOU ASK ME GRACE IS AMAZING FOR SURVIVING EVERYTHING AND STILL SMILES AND GINNA IS DOING SO WELL JUST SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER LITTLE GIRL EVERY DAY

STEALING CINDERELLA

I JUST HERD THIS SONG ON CMT 

ITS CALLED STEALING CINDERELLA ( LYRICS BELOW) Chuck Wicks - Stealing Cinderella lyrics I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man It wasn't any secret I'd be asking for her hand I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself With at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf She was playing Cinderella She was riding her first bike Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin Dancing with her dad, looking up at him In her eyes I'm Prince Charming But to him I'm just some fella Riding in and stealing Cinderella I leaned in towards those pictures To get a better look at one When I heard a voice behind me say "Now, ain't she something, son?" I said "Yes, she quite a woman" And he just stared at me Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be Playing Cinderella Riding her first bike Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin Dancing with her dad, looking up at him In her eyes I'm Prince Charming But to him I'm just some fella Riding in and stealing Cinderella He slapped me on the shoulder Then he called her in the room When she threw her arms around him That's when I could see it too Playing Cinderella Riding her first bike Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin Dancing with her dad, looking up at him If he gives me a hard time I can't blame the fella I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella

THIS SONG IS REALLY GOOD BUT HAD ME BOWLING  BECAUSE THIS A  BAD VIEWING HIS BABY GIRL AS CINDERELLA AND HER FINACE  AND ITS SWEET 

BUT IT HAD ME BOWLING BECAUSE 

MY FATHER DOESENT SEE ME LIKE THIS AT ALL IN THE BEST WAY TO SAY HE VIEWS AS A WASTE OF SPACE IN TIME 

TO YALL YOU LUCKY GIRLS WHO DADS VIEW THIS WAY BE GREATFUL CAUSE IT SUCKS WHEN THEY CARE LESS ABOUT YOU 

AND I KNOW ILL NEVER HAVE HIM VIEW LIKE THIS AND I OKAY WITH THERE A FEW TIMES  WHEN IT KILLS ME IN SUCH AS HEARING THIS SONG 

I JUST HOPE PRAY THAT YOUNG MEN TODAY  WHO READ THIS OR TALK WITH NEVER TREAT THEIR GILRS THE WAY I KNOW A LOT OF MEN TOO AND  I PRAY NO EVER KNOWS THE PAIN ME AND SOME OF GOOD FRIENDS HAVE EXPEREICED I UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS MEANT TO FOR REASON 

AND I DONT KNOW IF ILL EVER GET MARRIED  IM NOT BAKING ON IT  SOCK TO MOST WHO GO TO OC AND COC  BUT I REALLY DONT THINK I WILL 

BUT I PRAY THAT  EVERY GIRL TO SOMEONE IS VIEWED  AS CINDERELLA TO THEIR DADS AND IF THEY'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND THEIR TRUE LOVE HE  ASLOS SEE HER THAT WAY 

AND TO THE DAD HE IS STEALING CINDERELLA 

AS FOR ME  IM NO CINDERELLA AND IM OKAY WITH IT 

I JUST HOPE MY FRIENDS KNOW THEY ARE  :)