angel

my heart is still sad :( on friday the world lost a very special angel his name Holden Johnson he was 19 years old he could not speak or walk but he loved like no one else i got the word yesterday but your no longer in pain and in a better place that makes me happy i know your watching over meagan and brain Holden Johnson you will be missed you were an angel..........................

no more tears

tomorrow they would be 28 i wish i could be there to see you and talk to you but since i cant till next week forgive me ill come see you then but mom should be there unless she wants me with her she still loves yall and misses you and i know you both are watching over us and my friends and i can only hope yall would be proud of your lil sis who you watched from your home star in heaven with God even though you never meet me love your lil baby sis ps please pray for my mommy today ( the 8th) is extra hard on her and pray for dr. maple too

trying to have no fear

im deffently an emtional girl right now....... i suck......im sorry..... im trying have no fear with everything...........

pray for me

man i have been busy sending kevin off and going home and doing wedding and house stuff all is alright i cant wait till the wedding bff lauren terry is going with me yesss i cant wait

swell i sent my best friend to scotland and yes it was hard but i know he will do amazing things and i cant wait to see how God uses him to bless the people in Scotland and I know God will project him and i know great things are going to happen for both him the people in scotland and me i know im going to grow and learn soo much

good bye

thursday my best friend inthe entire world will be leaving for scotland for two years i know this what he needs to do and had been called to do by God but i it dosent make it any eaiser for me to say good bye to the one person who has always been there for me and knows me inside out and so i ask as he is doing the mission work and blessing the people in scotland i pray that you please keep him in your prayers im so very proud of him and i love you soo very much and dearly thank you for everythingi will never ever forget you please remeber me

thursday my best friend inthe entire world will be leaving for scotland for two years i know this what he needs to do and had been called to do by God but i it dosent make it any eaiser for me to say good bye to the one person who has always been there for me and knows me inside out and so i ask as he is doing the mission work and blessing the people in scotland i pray that you please keep him in your prayers im so very proud of him and i love you soo very much and dearly thank you for everything i will never ever forget you please remeber me

ok i have a problem i have a friend from back home and i need some adivce i was woundering how do you define what a christian is k here is the problem that my bff from back home and she used to be on fire for God however now she isnt and hse doing some stuff that isnt quite so good and very stupid and when i tell i dont approve and that she hurts me she does it any way but i cant leave her cause im basicly her mother she does them any way and she keeps telling that even though she is doing these things she still gonna go to heaven i tell her other wise but she wont listen she says i go to church and that makes me a christian guys please help thanks marge

i hate saying goodbye to my friends but espolly my bff but im so very proud of him

well i havent been my self recently i know im a lil overweleped and stressed but that dosent even normaly keep me from being happy go lucky i guess its the fact i want to be at home but i have to be here but home isnt always the best place eaither for me however i have come to a thought may be im not mys elf because im chainging and growing and some of things that used to make me happy arent or dont and the other thing may be its just that im tired of it all could that be whats wrong with me??? may be im just tired of family and close friends doubting my ability still and people giving up on me or questioning what im doing is the right thing this what could be it???? well hopefully ill get back to being me soon if you have any ideas on what could be wrong with please by all means drop a commet and tell me ps angie and kp yall are amazing

my best

if you are reading this and want to go on as you read dont feel sorry for me or anything just listen with your eyes.... i sit in class take notes, read for classes, take tests, and write papers and i hear from a few friends is that the best you can ask of me is for me to do my best well my best seems to very bad and low and what makes it worst is i will ride high feel good about a test or paper then to come to find out i did really bad on it and i go from feeling good about myself to feeling like crap and its hard for me to see im doing good anywhere i just dont get it may be my mom is right my best isnt goodenough or i need to care yet even more are you kidding me i care so much about everything but its weird how things like what people say about you or papers or tests can get you from feeling good to feeling bad this why i have stoped saying ohh i feel good about it or i owned that test things like this will never happen to me im stopping from thinking like that and may be ill have to do better than my best cause its just not good enough as your reading this dont feel sorry for me cause that wont help just listen may be im a dork or may be not i dunno i just know that when u look at my tests and papers and other espacts of my life my best deffently isnt good enough

friends

i have to say god has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams when i came to oc i thought to myself ok i can get though college in like 4or 5 years and know just a few people well thats not what God had plainned for me he had set for me to know so many amazing people all who have impacted my life and i really never thoguth i would go to college and now i have and am in college and wow its amazing so im starting make even more dreams for myself and i honestly cant wait to see what God has instore for me he blessed with some friends who have stood by me though some really diffcult and hard times and i figured they would give up on me but surpsingly they havent yes it is a surpise to me b/c i have had friends in the past but when hard times hit me they left and i thought that was okay well im soo thankful for my real friends and i want to say thank you to angie, kevin, anna, aubrie , misty for always being there for me when i have needed yall the most and havent been the best of a friend/sis so i thank you it has meant soo much to me i love you guys sooo much love marge

i havent more time with the girls in gamma than i have in a long man do i love the gamma girls i get so much spritual strength from them and we have so much fun so lock in was awsome chi came and showed their show we showed them a part of our show then around 11 30 or so out of now wehre our brother club KAPPA came and showed their show and we showed them most of our show it was so awsome i love the KAPPA guys i have so much respect for them ther awsome then more gamma time which was awsoem i cant wait for spring sing my mommy will be here yay have a great night

v-day

so as i sit in my apt on whatsw supose to be the day of "LOVE" i find this to be the day bordem most of friends have and finding that unless ur in "LOVE" this is the worst day and i find that there is no reason for it and i have decided that v-day is the worst day ever or second im debating between this and my b-day

sorry

i frist must applogize to carrie and jenn and some others who may have read my blog from yesterday it wasnt about them it was about some people in my class who will remain nameless and i didnt not word it right eather im very sorry for the hurt feelings that were caused i have learned not to post mean things like that because when it may be about one person or a certain group someone else could read it and think its about them which isnt the case at all and for that im sorry i will no loger post things like that i may be questioning or what ever and i promise carrie and jenn it had nothing to do with you i can only hope and pray that you can find it in ur heart to forgive me im very very sorry but aside from that in last 24 hours or so i have figured out many things and have had many lessons and i want to thank god and my friends for this but now i must get to my hw for yes i have tons and once again im sorry for any hurt feelings that were unessary

i give up

all i have to say is im so very greatful for my big bro he is amazing i love him soo much and i can honestly say with out him i wouldnt be here at oc still and of course god but this someone who has tought me more in 3 years than my family could in 22 wow

i dont understand why people have to be soo mean ;(

well i wounder any one will do this on here 1. who are you, what's our relationship: 2. how and where did we meet: 3. what's my middle name: 4. how long have you known me: 5. tell me one good thing about myself: 6. when you first saw me what was your impression: 7. my age: 8. birthday: 9. my favorite band at the moment: 10. color of my eyes: 11. do i have any siblings: 12. have you ever had a crush on me: 13. what's one of my favorite things to do: 14. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you: 15. describe me in 3 words: 16. name 3 things i love: 17. do you think i'm a fun person? 18. how would you describe me to someone: 19. would you ever date me? 20. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did: 21: what do you like most about me: 22: if we could spend a day together what would we do: 23: have we ever gotten in a fight: 24: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years: 25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 26. What do you think my weakness is? 27. Do you think I'll get married? 28. What makes me happy? 29. What makes me sad? 30. What reminds you of me? 31. If you could give me anything what would it be? 32. When's the last time you saw me? 33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same? 34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? 35. Are you going to put this on your xanga and see what I say about you?36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why? 37. What song (if any) reminds you of me? 38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? 39. Would you make a move on me? 40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?

random stuff about me Have You Ever-- Dumped a guy because he liked you too much:: nope never dumped been dumped twice kinda Loved a guy because he stalked you:: No had too many of them Loved a guy because he hated you:: umm no sorry Asked your friend's crush out:: umm yea but that didnt go to well for him Lead a guy on for kicks:: not that i know of.... Asked a guy out purely because he was hott:: no Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend:: nope Lied about not having a boyfriend:: what are you kidding Lied about having one:: umm NO Cheated:: NOPE i have seen the pain it causes not worth it Been Cheated on:: kinda and my mom had been Had a crush on a gay guy:: no --Their Clothing(yes/no)-- Boxers?:: dont care Briefs?:: dont care Hat?:: depends Skater Shoes?:: umm i guess Pimp Shoes?:: what are thoses Band Shirts?:: if they want it Vintage shirts?:: sure if they like it Jeans or Shorts?:: im from texas duh jeans but if its summer shorts are okay for day time --Be Honest-- Would you ever date a guy for his money?:: NOPE THATS STUPID Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:: NOPE STUPID AGAIN Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him:: wellneaither kinda bf never had friends and the other well his friends werent much better than him Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?: nope Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys? no way Do looks matter?:: kinda but not the most imporant thing and one of last things i look at Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:: umm yea cause the way i have sucked Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:: depends on what you mean by ugly Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?:: I dont have ugly friends im the ugly one Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be):: SURE Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:: all but one my best friend is a guy and welp he knows everything about me Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:: UM NO Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:: UMM NO CAUSE WELL MY KINDA BFS NEVER SAID I LOVE YOU Wanna be a virgin till marriage?: IT THE BEST WAY TO BE !Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?: THE ONLY GUY WHO COME CLOSE TO HEARING THAT IS MY BIG BRO AND YES I DO AS HIS LILSIS IS HOW I MEAN IT Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:: MAY BE Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:: NOPE NEVER BEEN KISSED HAVE YOU EVERKissed your cousin: GROSSS NO NEVER BEEN KISSED COME ON Ran away: YUP Skipped school: UMM YEA FOR WORK Broken someone's heart: NOT THAT I KNOW OF.........Been in love: NOPE !Cried when someone died? UMM OF COURSE.. STILL DO STILL COPING WITH A LOT OF DEATHS RIGHT NOW THANKS FOR REMINDING ME... Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: YEP Broken a bone: I FRACTURED MY WRIST BUT THATS IT Done something embarrassing: MORE THAN I CAN COUNT Done a drug: NOT MY STYLE Cried in school: YEA ONLY AT OC THOUGH WHICH IS BETTERCoke or Pepsi: I LIKE BOTH Sprite or 7UP: SPRITEGirls or Guys: GUYS, GUYS ARENT USUALLY DRAMA QUEENS!Flowers or Candy: FLOWERSBlondes or Brunettes: BOTH WORK Tall or Short: TALLPants or Shorts: PANTSNight or Day: NIGHT WITH THE OPPOSITE SEXWhat do you notice first: SMILE/ ATTUDE Last person you slow danced with: dont wanna talk about it hurts too much still Worst Question To Ask: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?"THE LAST TIME YOU...Kissed: DO YOU NOT LISTEN I NEVER EVER BEEN KISSED GEEZE Showered: YESTERDAY Stepped outside: UMM 3 HOURS AGO RANDOMRomantic memory: NOTHING GOOD TO SAY HERE Person You Dislike Most? MY DAD Best Thing That Has Happened: MY BIG BRO SAID HE WAS PROUD OF ME!!!!!!!!! I NEVER HAD A GUY SAY THAT Pictures on your desktop: JUST PICTURES OF MY FRIENDS AND I! AND MY BAPSTIM Color: BLUE,PURPLE, PINK,SILVER Movie: REMEMBER THE TITANS, A WALK TO REMBER AND HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS AND MORE Fav Artist: TOO MANY TO NAME ...Cars: DONT OWN ONE BUT EAITHER HONDA CR-V OR HIGHLANDER OR 4 RUNNER Ice Cream: MINT CHOC CHOP Season: I LIKE THEM A;;Breakfast Food: DONT HAVE ANY WHOMakes you laugh the most: AMY OR BIG BRO Makes you smile: BIG BROWELL ALL MY FRIENDS Can make you feel better no matter what: BIG BRO Has a crush on you: NO ONE THAT I KNOW OF Do You Have A Crush On Someone: UMM NO IT NEVER WORKS OUT FOR ME AND HURTS TOO MUCH TO HAVE ONE Who Has it easier, girls or guys? I DUNNO MY BIG BRO HAS TO PUT UP WITH ME AND WELL THAT NEARLY IMPOSSABLE Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: NO ONE HAVE YOU EVERSat by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: WHO HASNT Saved AIM conversations: UM YEA DUM STOCKERS Saved E-mails: OF COURSE Forward secret E-mails: NOPE I CANT BE MEAN Wish you were someone else: YEP Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: NOPE!Wear perfume/cologne: NOPE CANT MAKES ME SICK Cuddle: DO MY STUFF ANIMALS COUNT????Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: WELL WITH WIRELESS INTERNET IM ON ALL THE TIME Fallen for your best friend?: GROSS THATS MY BIG BRO SO NO Kissed two people in the same day?: UGH I NEVER BEEN KISSED Been rejected: MORE TIMES THAN I COUNT ON MY FIGER AND TOES COMBINDBeen in love?: NEVERBeen in lust?: GROOOOSSSS NO Used someone?: NOPE Been used?: YEP Cheated on someone?: NOPEBeen cheated on? KINDA Been kissed?: NOOOOOOOO NEVER BEEN KISSED DO NOT LISTEN GEEZEEEDone something you regret?: OHH YEA LAST PERSONYou touched?: MY MOM You talked to?: MY MOM You hugged?: MY MOM You instant messaged?: PROB BIG BRO You yelled at?: UMM DONT KNOW You thought about?: WELL CAROLINE, MISS TILLY Who text messaged you?: ANN Who broke your heart?: BIG BRO Who told you they loved you?: BIG BRO THE OTHER DAY Color your hair?: I HAVE HIGHLIGHTS, SO I GUESS YEAHave tattoos?: NOPEHave piercings?: USED TO HAVE THE NOISE Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: IM AS SINGLE AS IT GETS Own a webcam?: NOPEEver get off the dang computer?: I TRY TO Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: WHAT?speak spanish?: NO Quack?: SNOPE HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...Stolen anything? NOPE Smoke? EW NOSchizophrenic? NOPEObsessive? SORRY NO Compulsive? NO?Obsessive compulsive? I DONT KNOW Panic? BEEN KOWN TO Anxious? CAN BE Depressed? HAVE BEEN Moody? ARENT ALL GIRLS?Lonely? VERY Easily Amused? YEPRandom? DEFINATELY!!!!

well im sorry i havent posted in a while i went home for christmas and came back new years eve and well i learned alot of things while i was home some good some not so good and i realized that no matter how hard i try no matter what i do i cant make someone love me or be proud of me even if im their sister or doughter or whatever the case may be to my family i have been told im always in the way and that i really wont accotish anything and that im better off giving up and well hearing this made me very sad but got me thinking on how lucky i am to have oc and have the friends i have espolly my cloest friends who know me best i really dont know why my family has issues believing in me and the person i am supose to be i pray god stays with me and gives me the strength to keep going......