The value of a ring = the value of oneself

While i was home over Thnaksgiving break My mom and I went ring shopping NOT ENGAGEMENT but for me for graduation becuase I didnt want an oc one. My mom and i went into a jewlery store where my brother got my sister in laws engagment ring ( i picked it out) but the owner of store who was very nice man said i love your doughter she loves jelwery i told i was looking for either blue topaz or amathest ( purple stone) well we were looking the first ring he puts on me is $20,000 no freaking joke i was aboustly speechless this georgous blue topaz/amathest combo with dimonds ahhh sooo pretty i couldnt believe it was on my finger and yet at the same time i was thinking to myself "im not worth of this expese ring" pluse i didnt want mom to spend that much on a ring and than the next ring was 15000 and so on down line i was wanting some i saw on line for like $200 and told him this and yes and i understand why but for such an accomplishment of graduatiing College you really desve a much pretter ring and he showed us a blue topaz with dimonds that was 900 and he said he give about 20% off which was really nice but still and i said this could be my enagement ring but i dont want my guy ( if i ever had or get one) to spend this much on ring and the owner said how much should he spend aksing me i said ohh probly $500 and he looked me he said beautiful you really desvre a better prettier ring than that and my mom said he better spend at least $900 on the ring and as much as loved the pretty expessive rings i cant imgage owning one casting so much because truthfully i really dont desvre one that expessive i just feel as though someone who is prettier and richer should but i can say mom said she found the ring at a differnt jelwery store i just cant wait to see which one she picked

Num to the pain

Every year around this time of year ( nov 12-dec 23) is always an emontional time of year for me a few good and many sad and hard times around this time have come about my birthday for the last twenty years ( starting at age 5) has been a day i no longer lookfoward to because people have died on it my granddad ( Don's father) and best died on my 5th birthday and twenty years later it still lhurts like it was yesterday and than on my 11th borthday my kiki died ( mom's mom) and kiki was my backbone and my seource of strength for so long that it still hurts knowing that my birthday is when she went home and than on my 13th my elder mentor from church died and than on my 17th birthday my cusin commited sucide on my birthday and although yes its been years since they have died but yet the hurt and the pain never have gone away well this sure i got the plusre of adding a funeral to my birthday my great aunt was barried yesterday on birthday, which has been another dealing in itself, any way i thought i had finally nub my self to hurt and the pain of birthday but i find that to be the furest thing from the truth right because all i have wanted to do is cry but i have been having to put on act of "im good" or "im ok" because i hate showing how i really feel and i hate being emontional infront of other people and i have had so many tell that its not allowed or whatever and that time will heal my pain which if that was the truth than why am i still hurting years later and i also wounder if the pain will ever go away.................... people always tell me to be happy on my birthday but honestly i just cant and you cant understand untill you have someone die on your birthday i just wounder if God is playing some evil mean joke on me for this or if h eeven likes me