my angels

I have had many friends come and go in my life for many reasons they have seen me in highs and lows and walked with me though my valleys and stood by me when i really didn't think any one would but they did these 3 women have pretty much helped mold me into who i am today

Im by no ways the best person ever to deal with they would know this too

they were there from being diagnosed with dyslexia, and much later dysgraphia, they were there when Don left and helped deal with emotions helped stay a christian when i was ready to walk away from God, they saw me through taking accepting and realizing i will never have a father and finally okay with it and saw grow up and change saw me when i was so sick and encourgered and believed in me when so many didn't they saw me through my eating disodereds and depression to seeing me be stronger now than i ever have been but if these young women handt been there for me i dont know where i would be today... I know they are blushing right now as they read this dont think they have made such impact that they did on me, I know how amazing they are i have been blessed by them for over 20 years of friendship its crazy to look back to see what God has done in all our lives how he brought us togather and keeps us togather i dont get to see them near as much as i would love but when i do its like we pick up right where we left off as if we just saw each other yesterday

that is what true friendship is i have seen these women go through very taough times but see their strength and faith in God only encourges me to believe that God is with me and will take care of me im so blessed to have these women in my life i can only hope i have blessed them like have me

so to Ginna H. Crocker, Sarah H. Anderson, Sarah Little

Thank you for standing with me and being my friend for over 20 years

i look forward to another 20 years

you 3 have been the most amazing women ever and i truly cant wait to see how God blesses yall

love you so much

we are Gods jewels he makes into beautiful jewelery

The other night i ws driving back from dinner with a friend and i was listening to Delilah show yes i know what sappy show, how ever i feel like i was meant to listen to it because as some of you know ive been working hard to try to find a job and some other stuff going on in my life has left questioning, doubting but ultimaitly believing God has a plan but a caller had a called in explaining how he and his wife lost their jobs, home and car and now back on their feet with a 6 week old baby boy and he calling to thank his wife and Delilah for her inspertional music and thoughts and she put what he went through and what im going extramly well better than anthying i could have come up with.. which is she explaining when metaral artist who make jewerly for engagment/wedding rings keep things in the fire for certain time and keep a close eye on it so all the inpurity ofr melted out and it starts to form well when we go through difficult times thats whats Gods doing with us he modling us and taking out our impurities and athough we may feel like he's far away in actuallity he right there makeing sure we mold into what he wants us to be which was so uplefting for me because i finally kina got way to explane everything and i know im truly blessed even with out a job to my friends and family who are praying for me and helped mold and shape me into the person im becomming i greatly apprate everything you have and will contunie to do

ON THE CRAZY ROADS AGAIN..........

I had planed to leave my apt on friday morning at 4 am for the thanksgving break now i know what most of are you thinking.... Marge are freaking nuts??????? yes i am.... many reasons on why for this one being its an 8 hr drive and i was driving alone and i wanted to get home before all the crazy texas kids get on the roads back home since they get the whole week off and i wanted to get through austin before all the KU fans got there for the game tonight well i couldnt sleep thursday night at all my gut,brain , and mind are all to thank for this b/c they wouldnt shut off and kept me up so insted i left at 3 am and yes i did this with no sleep and it was raining i was making great time and i make it to pauls valley about 4:15 am like i said not too bad so i pull over for the first of many things to make this unlike any other besides the whole me driving 8 hrs alone i got really sick ( normal for me before i take a trip like this b/c of nervs) never on the trip so i stop in PVS and take of sickness feel fine try to nap for like 30 mins didnt happen plus i discover i leave pillow and buck/teddy in okc ( stuffed animals i have to have to sleep) and makes things even worse plus everyone else had pulled off b/c of rain than get back on raod at 5 am and make it to Gains villes about 545-6 am make it through most of gainsville before i have to pull over again b/c of sickness this time i throw up in pillow case in car didnt want out in pouring rain at night all alone... state trooper pulls off lights on and all and comes to my window while im throwing up and stats to me " miss i noticed your driving alone and i know your not drunk so i thought i make sure your okay" me completly embrased said yes sir im fine just a little sick... he said " okay then ill stay here in my car in case you need me and leave when u get back on the high way" me okay thank you... get back on the road again... make it through most of ft.worth in traffic but only 2 wrecks to deal with and a little rushour not bad i hear the dallas side which had about 50 wrecks and I35 shut down both ways at one point so glad i went through ft.worth stop just south of ft.worth for gas, drinkage and throw trash and pillow case away back on the road again... hit austin about 11:15 am well doing good until hit more traffic at one point they had to close the access road south bound and forcing all of us on the 35 to move into 2 lanes b/c of a fire where at one point we were parked yes parked our cars and watched the fire fighters put out the fire and watch the building collapse and watch as ems,other fighters and other cops go work like 30 more wrecks...... on top of the fire finally we get moving again yay and i make it through until i get close to where my friend had a wreck and i said God your not taking me here like you took my friend and i was okay yay and then i finallly make it home at 1 pm my 8 hr drive became a 10 hr drive with no sleep..... thank God for rain b/c if it hadnt been raining i dont think id would have surrived the trip

what hurts the most

I remeber how sweet and caring you used to be how you so provtive of me and your sister

how you loved being with your friends and your smiled made everything better your hugs

were strong but soft you had the heart any girl wants in their man

than you left for felt the call of procting others call your name

you never came back the same but the guy i knew i also knew was still in you

than getting talk with you always made my days better and for some reason

always made me smile

now just hearing your name, seeing your picture

brings nothing but tears the pain still real wounds still tender as if i just found out hearing your story and telling just kills my soul

i feel as though this is a never ending nightmare

but i knows it real

but the problem is i dont know how to feel.............

all i know is i wish i could be with you but im not i ever will be able to be with you ever again

my friend i love you, you were my big brothers and friend i never could bear to lose

and my worst fear may come true

and all i can do is play the what if game and cry.................

i pray the Lord your Soul to Keep and Pray we will meet again someday somehow

doing the right thing sucks sometimes

why does doing the right thing suck sometimes

and where in the bible did he say this ( not literally)

i did something tonight i never thought i would ever do

but i know i did the right thing it just sucks cause in

the process i hurt someone else not on purpose

but i felt and prayed about this and i know it is the right thing

it just sucks cause its causing pain to someone else

blah

i hate this

my 2 roads

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Take

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveler, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing thereHad worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I love the poem the Road less traveled by Robert Frost

because it defines my life literally it always has and as i sit here tonight typing this blog it defines yet again, i lost my job in Dallas back at the end of June and have been job hunting since march ( when i first knew) and when i was trying to find my way back to Oklahoma and i thought okay im starting early enough to get a job in a school as ta again well i sit in September still very much job less but living in state of okliehoma but i will say this journey has been a lot more difficult than i was ever ready for, i find my self doubting and questioning myself, my worth, weather or not God really has a plan for me and if he really is in control and what not i also found my move to be causing world war III in my family my bro/sis in law weren't happy about it b/c they lost control over me and because i was going to do it on my own well with help of my mom her fiancee and many amazing friends both in Texas andOklahoma and in n.c. with prayers help of moving and making connections on to where to apply for jobs and networking which is something that really wouldn't have hap pend in Dallas and one of the biggest things i get away from the "ohhh your robey's little sister" yes i got that even Dallas not that im not proud of him or happy to be his little sister but i wanted my own identity

for me i wanted to be known for me and what i do which only happens in OK, but also im alot happier here

im at home its my home and a majority of my friends are here and for once its one place i have always felt i belonged

so im writ ting this to update most of you that i moved back to Oklahoma on a leap of faith hoping God will provide and

knowing this where i belong and iii hope he has plan for me but since i have been back

i have done more in one month here than i did in a year in Dallas i dont know why i dont know if its because

im happier or my friends are here or if its just that i feel i have more opportunity here

than i did in Dallas now dont get me wrong Dallas is nice place and love to visit but the people

there are nuts but it wasnt for me and i wasnt happy and i felt further from God in my year there

than i ever did in sa and okc i dont know why

but im glad to be back

to my friends ive seen im so happy to those i haven't we will soon

and thank you to all of you who have helped me out

from listening to me cry/ get upset/ move/ pray or just been there for me

thank you for being my strength while i have been

but i Know God is good and im sooo blessed

it was bound to happen

it was bound to happen

a majority of my friends and of course my sister in law amy her sister ashlee their mom and my mom all happen to love a little store called IKEA, the thing is i have seen stuff online, seen the books but had never been in one which in my family is an unwritten sin for females this worse than not wearing make up 5 days a week, what not but never fear this weekend after finding a place to stay in okc we were looking at some entertainment centers, chirs and stuff we spent an hour in the store start to finish and looking at stuff however we walked out spending a whooping $0.21 cents yes your reading this right only 21 cents were spent on something i have photos to post on fb and myspace later

but i have offically been in IKEA next step i guess is to own something from there

an actually update on life will come later when i move.....

im a woss

if you have known me for any length of time you will learn few things scare but the things that do i have good reason for  last night i was really excited with the storms coming my way in Mckinney i love i mean i love storms and every thing about then i was watching for them comming listening to weather men seeing what was happening west of where i live saying this is gonna be awsome and when they hit they were amazing i got to see a lowering take place outside my complax a lowering meaning trying to become a torando didnt happen but to see it try wow amazing unreal site and we lost power which really in whole sceem things not a big deal in my mind or so thought... i went to ihop with my wensday night group and went home and noticed my side of town was black no one had lights everyone was using their brights and the sheirffics offiicers along with mckinney police were directing traffic and giving the power comapnys as much light as they could and keeping people from down power lings tress and what not the bad side to stroms like this is the loss of power at this point im at 21 hours no power but the problem for me is I AM FREAKING SCARED OF THE DARK people trying hurt not as scarry in my mind, fighting with people not a big deal walking at night dosent bother me the FACT I HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE DARK SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME now your thinking marge/margaret your 26 years old this is silly and yes it may sound silly to you however i do have my reasons of personal matter that dates back to something happening in my past that will forever make me scared of the dark..... last night i had to try to be calm and collective thanks to my mom and a friend i did okay until i tired to sleep which didnt happen.... but its okay but from now own im going to have as many back ups as i can so i dont have to ever sleep in the dark again............

ohhhh oc

1. What was OC called when you went there? OC 2. What was your mailbox number? i ended up w/3 of em i know one was 635  3. What was your favorite / least favorite class? thats hard cause i loved all the classes w/curt and john thompson and i loved ape w/ houston least deffently math  4. Who was your favorite professor? Curt, Dr. Thompson, Newell, Houston  5. Did you ever sneak out after curfew? dorms no apts many times :)  6. Did you fall in love at OC? nope  7. What was your favorite OC cafeteria meal? never had one  8. Were you in a social club? KAPPA. but really gamma and beta  9. Did you ever get in trouble for the clothes you wore? never 10. What was your major? Your almost major? How many times did you change? i was sped but then lovely mike oneil cut it so than i tired bible, ym, and education ended up liberal studies  11. Any OC Nicknames? lets see marge,margo,margie,margey i think thats it  12. Favorite chapel memory? well i have few but my favorite seemed to come when i sat eaither with KAPPA OR CSK  13. Did you play intramural sports? only in gamma but football, softball, basketball  14. Favorite late night memory? too many  15. Favorite spring sing memory? i loved being a tree for cards, a book for waldo, i loved helping kappa with their snaps  16. Best prank? freshmen year me a couple of friends filled condoms full of water/shaving cream wrote words/messages/ faces on em and threw in to certain guys dorm rooms  17. Do you keep in touch with anyone from OC? yes some of my best friends came out of oc 18. Did you ever have a run in with a skunk? nope but i saw a few and saw some guys get a run in with one and scream like girls  19. Funniest roomie story? jenn and i being locked out and jenn n. having to come save us and sercuirty didnt believe us  20. Were you in any plays/ musicals? no  21. What was your campus job? I never had one  22. Any OC confessions? i broke the apartment rules ALL THE TIME! i have to agree with jillian on this one  23. What does NCL mean to you? Non-Committal Lip!!! also it means bodacious LC 24. Which office did you spend the most time in? Probably IT getting my computer fixed or hanging out with my then boyfriend Adam 25. Fondest OC memories? the times with my guys, austin, jackson, jay, rhodes, rigsby, jarred, wade, joshua, kyler, brandon wheelock, adam, leah, liz, anna, mandy, jarhead, morgan, britnie, jennifer, etc. there are just TOO many to name them all!! chorale tours were ALL spectacular 26.What do YOU remember? i remember it all!! and i miss it like crazy.

dancing in the rain!!!!!!!

so today i realized the last note i actually wrote that was worth anything or had anything worth reading was 2 months excatly to todays date weird i know but thats not really the imporant thing work has been nuts and and i legally cant blog about it so if you email,call or message me i can  cause its not public that way... any way the reason for this blog is God reminding me to be child like and doing something for myself yes i just said doing something for ME!!!!!!!!! awhile i promised myself the next time we had a good down poor no matter what ( expect for being at work) i was going to go out in the rain and dance like im a little kid and this is always a favorite of mine i tend to do it alot  its one of those little things in life you can never get enough of like star gazing for me it constant reminder of my God and how FREAKING AMAZING HE IS!!!!!!!!!!! so today i got home went to the gym here at my apt complax and litterally  the second i walked out down came all of this rain  i got very giddy no lie i worse than any teenage girl in love with the jo bros  well i danced and walked all the way back to my apt and came right out on my balochonay where i sit now waiting for more rain and people were thinking im aboustly insaine  and i thought to myself have we in our world today gotten to the point to where its wrong or silly to enjoy such simple pleasures as dancing in the rain or star gazing or strom watching

if thats the case I DONT WANT TO STAY IN THIS WORLD FOR MUCH LONGER  and as i danced in the rain without a care in world i truly felt Gods presance and i also felt like a little kid 

I hope i never forget to stop being child like  because if i do i dont desvreto live its one of Gods GREATEST gift to us to be like the children and to have a heart like theirs  and to me its supper ubber sad when people forget that children are our greatest teachers............

thanks maddie

A - Available: of course. as always. me too - Age: 26 - Animal: i want eaither daisy or buffy ie my puppies B - Birthday/Birthplace: 11-12-82 ( known as the day of hell for me) / ft. worth - Best Friends: Lauren, Teddie, kps, annajane,aubrie,angie,rosa - Best feeling in the world: knowing somebody loves you for who you are - Best weather: 60/70s blue skys or storms - Been on stage?: yep - Believe in yourself?: rarely - Believe in life on other planets:not really - Believe in miracles: deffently look at my life - Believe in Magic: not at all - Believe in God: yesssssss - Believe in Santa: in spirit of what he stands for - Believe in Ghosts/spirits: kinda more like angels :) C - Car: i want eaither toyota highlander or honda crv but i guess my jeep grand cheeroke will have to do for now :) - Color: purple,blue, green - Cried in school: yep. and no one of my friends ever knew - Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate sometimes swirl - Chinese/Mexican: i♥mexican food. - Cake or pie: neither. not cake/pie fan D - Day or Night: what's one without the other? i like my days for certain things and my nights for others - Danced: tons of times - Dance in the rain: yeah - Do the splits: pep squad enough said ( yes we had to learn em) E - Eyes: ...baby blue? - Everyone has: the right to be who they are and not be judged - Ever failed a class?: yep a couple actually F - First crush: not saying :) - Full name: margaret anne canaday - First thoughts waking up: crap im running late i feel like crap G - Greatest Fear: not making a difference in the world - Giver or taker: giver - Gum: not a gum chewer but i guess tradient H - Hair Color: light brown with blode/auburn heighlights - Height: 5'5"". - Happy: most of the time depression sucks sometimes - How do you want to die?: painlessly and fast as possible - Health freak?: not really - Hate: ppl putting others down /being jerks for no reason I - Ice Cream: rocky road, parlines n cream, coffe falvored ( very few) - Instrument: ive attempted the fallowing- voice, vilon, recorder, zilophone, piano, gaitar J - Jewelry: 3rings. necklace, 2 bracelettes, watch - Job: now sped ta future who knows K - Kids: love 'em. not sure i want em - Keep a journal?: not anymore L - Letter: dont have favorite - Laughed so hard you cried: love wen i do it - Love at first sight: dont believe in it M - Milk flavor: cant drink it - Movie: romantic comdy, disney - Mooned anyone: haha yeah - Motion sickness: occossonally - McD’s or BK: rarely McDs ( useually for hi - c orange :) ) N - Number of Siblings: 1 plus 2 sisters in laws - Number of Piercings: 2 in ears - Number: clueless O - Overused Phrases: "lol", "thats what she said" "whatever" - One wish: friends/fam to be happy P - Place you’d like to live: Europe - Pepsi/Coke: i like both but only one please Q - Questionnaires:good way to waste time R - Reason to cry: loneliness, desperation, sadness, grief, hurt, good ones maddie i added one - Radio Station: 99.5 - Roll your tongue in a circle?: nope S - Song: right now white hourse- taylor swift, im not that girl- wicked sound track - Shoe size: 61/2-8 1/2 - Skipped school: yeah - Slept outside: camping is so much fun. i agree - Sports: previous --- took part in swimming - watch football, basketball, soccer, baseball/softball - Seen a dead body?: too many times :( - Smoked?:nope - Swear?: guilty - Shower daily?: every other day skin cant handle daily - Sing well?: hahaha your funny - Stuffed Animals: buck, pinky,kevy,cj - Single/Group dates: mainly single. groups have their places. once agian i agree - Strawberries/Blueberries: i like both :) T - Time for bed: supposedly ummm now dont have one - TV: news, what not to wear, sports,say yes to the dress - Touch your tongue to your nose?: haha never been able to V - Vegetable you hate: brocolie/ cooked carrotes/ - Vegetable you love: okra W - Weakness: i am really independent. and im extermally hard on myself - When you grow up: i thoguht i knew now im clueless - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Lauren i guess none of my friends really act liek me which is a good thing - Who makes you laugh the most: my kids i guess - Worst feeling: not only being but knowing that you are alone. and no bothers to find out how your really feeling - Wanted to be a model?: no i always knew i was too ugly/fat/stupid for that - Where do we go when we die: eaither heaven or hell X - X-Rays:lets see, head,wrist, ankesl (both),lungs - X-Files: havent seen in awhile Y -Year it is now: 2009. Z - Zoo animals: are fun to see - Zodiac sign: scorpio LAST PERSON WHO 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: techanlly jenn 2. Last person to see you cry?: ummmmm i dont know ive been crying alone alot 3. Went to the movies with you?: laura 4. You went shopping with?: umm charlotte i think 5. You went to dinner with?: jenn,laura 6. You talked to on the phone?: dj 7. Made you laugh?: jenn /dj

25 things

25 Random ThingsShare Today at 12:48am Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people, then click publish.) 25 random things about me.

i tag anyone who hasnt/or wants to do this  1. I hate the educational systeam 2. I love teaching though  3. I have thought about writting a book  4. I want to go to europe and plan to before im 30  5. I dont think I will ever get married and actually okay with this  6. I am very selfish  7. I ve never been kissed  8. Im thinking going for my masters and phd  9. I love flowers :)  10. I love to be with my friends  11. People often think I dont relize when people make fun of me I do I choose to take the higher road and not care  12. my main goal in life is to make a difference in the people i meet lives  13. I hate big crowds  14. I paint  15. I won first place in dance compation doing a duet  16. I wish my best friend lived closer to me :(  17. I have issues with church in gerneral  18. I love to be orgainzed i just cant get my brain to do it to where it makes seance  19. I love musicals and been in a couple  20. Im my grandmothers child and i was my grandads favorite girl  21. unlike Gayle im not strong  22. Sometimes I still cry when I miss my Grandmother/granddad 23. I love to prove people wrong when they tell i cant do something cause ill do it  24. trust is the hardest thing for me to do b/c of my past and im still very weary of people  25. I truly hate my birthday and I always will I actually fear that day it is truly the worst day of my life and as years go on I hate it even more

WHATS OUR EXCUSE

watch the story in the link below it takes less than 3 mins i would like to thank a friend of mine for giving me the link to this and sending this to me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFz-FMj-9Ps now that you have watched the video I ask now if these Tara and Bella can be best friends and look past the differences in size, shape, race,money,jobs, stright or gay, short or tall, beautiful or not , religion,disability or none? than as the reporter asks whats our excuse? why cant we? why dont we start judging people by their hearts not their looks this something i have working on with going to church but as i meet people and get to know people i still do not judge people by outside apprances, money, sexual peferanes or reglion, disability will we ever look past the differences of people As Christians we called to judge the HEART and SOUL of a Person becuase he choose to judge this way because he knows in the end all that matters is the heart and soul of person NOT THEIR APPARENCE, MONEY, RACE, DISABILTY and if we did maybe the world would be a better place SO REALLY WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE?

really is worth it

Okay some of you know and some of you dont but i have been struggling to find the point and imporantance of church now i know its not about me but about others but here is the thing how can we be encourged and learn about God ( not indepth) but we should learn something about God or another way to look at our spirtiual walk but how can this done when  lately our churches no longer welcome new commers insted they get told well if you didnt grow up in this sort of church your going to hell, or you dont make the kind of money accepted in this church your not welcome or my personal favoirte you can be going to a church but when you need a ride or help after helping so many all of the sudden its inconvance for anyone to help and than rip people apart for not being there, also i love when churches take advantage of people i will tell all of the above seniors are real and i have personally seen all of them happen now i know many of you saying well the church isnt the building but the people well im talking about the people in church and I know humans are stupid but we are and the politics of the church are so obisous that i dont think church leaders know how obisous it is to the outsiders but ohh how we can tell i feel that church is no longer for encourging others but for puting them down  so i leave it you my friends to give your thoughts on why church may be or may not be imporant