id rather be poor...........

lately i have been thinking about my Granddad ( Dons Father)  and how different men they are 

now im not saying thats a bad thing by any means, but  what my Granddad stood for as man makes me cry b/c i never got to know b/c he was taken on my 5th birthday which one of reasons i hate my bday but from what everyone in my family tells me and can agree on is that I was his PRIDE AND JOY and  that is something  i wish i knew more about  but whats been making me think of him of everything that has happend this last year  from graduation to getting  a job i have always woundered if he would be proud of me  and what kind of man he was  and the from past stories and what i hear he was the man i hope to marry if  im meant to get married  cause he is the complete opposite of my father  my grandfather was a barbar in springfield mo  and he loved  his job and he made sure he knew everyone of his customers by name and he was fair and honest and he loved life and my memaw ( his wife) worked at gift store and tv station  and they never had a lot of money but one thing they made sure my aunts and don had was love and made sure each of them felt special and imporant  which are values of  what i look  they wanted make sure they had  the good stuff  such as good memories and a good life . Don wanted to make sure he was never poor which is fine goal and great but is worth  missing time with kids and missing things imporant to them for instance growing up and even know if you know me  you know we dont have much money at all after don left   and never did but  we always had  my moms love  she made sure to be at every football game for robey and every pepsquad performance for me and every ARD meeting and made sure i was there too  

my dad  made a majorty of robeys stuff and never anything for me. 

and as more of friends get married and the more i live my life 

i see what kind of man i hope i marry if i meant to be married  

I want  a man whose home every night and who would rather be with his fam than work 

now i know there times you cant be at everything but  i value  the time spent togather and memories made than in material things  like Don am i saying its bad to want martiallistic things no but  not when it cost you  your child or your family or their time is worth it no 

so thats why i would rather be poor and happy with love  like my granddad and my memaw 

than rich and with money  and not truly happy 

thanks Granddad for being the man you were............

I love and miss you more than youll ever know and i hope someday to see you again and know you better 

home but not

well im finally in my apt in mckinney texas furnture and all and im trying to adjust to life here 

and it ways im so excited and in ways im hating it  all in one 

and since getting the job a lot has happend  and i have had a furry of emontions and this weekend is first time more like sat and today have been the only time i have had to adjust to everything 

and deal with my emontions and  i moved down on whim and lived with my bro and sister in law for a  few days in that my aunt passed away and my car got broken into and all my clothes stolen so in addition moving and getting adjusted to a new town, new school and new co workers and students and i aboustly love my job love it and than  in my apt in ways its mine in ways i dont feel like it is but thats me  my sister in law and her sister and my brother are trying to get me to be more of the "dallas seene" and its just not who i am  its not who my teachers are but i like some of the clothes some i dont plus theyre forcing change on me way too fast and im one i like change and love trying new things but at my pace not theirs  and they dont like that i dont have their taste in stuff  but hopefully i can get back to being me  

the more i grow up and more i live in this world the more i feel  like i dont belong here  in it 

im hoping things will get better